The Misadventures of a Messianic Existentialist

The Canticle of Saint Patrick

2010-03-19T19:37:00.000-07:00

Christ with me, Christ before me, Christ behind me,

Christ within me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me,

Christ on my right, Christ on my left…

Christ in the heart of everyone who thinks of me,

Christ in the mouth of everyone who speaks to me,

Christ in every eye that sees me,

Christ in every ear that hears me.

Shop Talk

2010-03-19T18:44:00.000-07:00

So I've been thinking about some things related to my place of business lately, and specifically in regard to the clients we serve. At first glance you might say that the clients we serve are the severe and permenantly mentally ill adults that live in the locked residential facility where I spend the vast majority of my days. But I would suggest that this is not the case.

First, what is a client? A client in someone who pays you to render a service. They ask you to do something for them, and they provide remuneration for that something. But the residents I work with have done niether of these things. That is, they have not asked me to provide them this service and they are not the ones paying for it. So who is doing that? The government is. Multomah county has mandated that these people be here (via court commitment) and they are paying for their services. It is, therefore, the county who determines what we do, how we do it, and how often it gets done. So who is the client?

There is a second client we serve as well, and this is the employer. Another definition of a client is that a client is the one who gets their needs met first. In my situation it is not the resident's needs but rather the needs of my employer who are met first. For example, the employer demands that we go about treatment under a certain model, regardless of whether or not that model is what best fits the given "client." Therefore, it is the employer whose needs are being met, and before them it is the county.

So what is the resident if not a client? He or she is the identified patient. And as anyone familiar with counseling and mental health knows, the identied patient is never the sole source of the problem or the sole bearer of solutions; they are a part of a system.

It is no different with the residents where I work; they are a part of a system that includes my employer and the county, and all their needs need to be addressed if the identified patient is to be helped. It is, moreover, at the intersection where all their needs meet that we need to focus, and leave the myth that these people are actually our clients behind.

Best of Myspace, part 1

2010-03-15T18:13:00.001-07:00

I may have done this already, I don't remember. At any rate, I have long since abandoned Myspace but there is still on that site some stuff I wrote that I thought worthy (well, as worthy as anything else) of being here, so here is some of it:

I WANT TO BE UGLY (8/21/07)

Everyone in the apartment complex I lived in knew who Ugly was. Ugly was the resident tomcat. Ugly loved three things in this world: fighting, eating garbage, and shall we say, love.

The combination of these things combined with a life spent outside had their effect on Ugly.

To start with, he had only one eye, and where the other should have been was a gaping hole. He was also missing his ear on the same side, his left foot has appeared to have been badly broken at one time, and had healed at an unnatural angle, making him look like he was always turning the corner.

His tail has long since been lost, leaving only the smallest stub, which he would constantly jerk and twitch. Ugly would have been a dark gray tabby striped-type, except for the sores covering his head, neck, even his shoulders with thick, yellowing scabs. Every time someone saw Ugly there was the same reaction. "That's one UGLY cat!!"

All the children were warned not to touch him, the adults threw rocks at him, hosed him down, squirted him when he tried to come in their homes, or shut his paws in the door when he would not leave. Ugly always had the same reaction. If you turned the hose on him, he would stand there, getting soaked until you gave up and quit. If you threw things at him, he would curl his lanky body around feet in forgiveness. Whenever he spied children, he would come running meowing frantically and bump his head against their hands, begging for their love. If you ever picked him up he would immediately begin suckling on your shirt, earrings, whatever he could find.

One day Ugly shared his love with the neighbors huskies. They did not respond kindly, and Ugly was badly mauled. From my apartment I could hear his screams, and I tried to rush to his aid. By the time I got to where he was laying, it was apparent Ugly's sad life was almost at an end.

Ugly lay in a wet circle, his back legs and lower back twisted grossly out of shape, a gaping tear in the white strip of fur that ran down his front. As I picked him up and tried to carry him home I could hear him wheezing and gasping, and could feel him struggling. I must be hurting him terribly I thought. Then I felt a familiar tugging, sucking sensation on my ear- Ugly, in so much pain, suffering and obviously dying was trying to suckle my ear. I pulled him closer to me, and he bumped the palm of my hand with his head, then he turned his one golden eye towards me, and I could hear the distinct sound of purring. Even in the greatest pain, that ugly battled-scarred cat was asking only for a little affection, perhaps some compassion.

At that moment I thought Ugly was the most beautiful, loving creature I had ever seen. Never once did he try to bite or scratch me, or even try to get away from me, or struggle in any way. Ugly just looked up at me completely trusting in me to relieve his pain.

Ugly died in my arms before I could get inside, but I sat and held him for a long time afterwards, thinking about how one scarred, deformed little stray could so alter my opinion about what it means to have true pureness of spirit, to love so totally and truly. Ugly taught me more about giving and compassion than a thousand books, lectures, or talk show specials ever could, and for that I will always be thankful.

He had been scarred on the outside, but I was scarred on the inside, and it was time for me to move on and learn to love truly and deeply. To give my total to those I cared for.

Many people want to be richer, more successful, well liked, beautiful, but for me, I will always try to be Ugly.

As far as I know that is a fictional story; I have no idea who the author is. I think about it surprisingly often and it breaks my heart every time. Ugly was ugly on the outside, but a beautiful animal on the inside. I wonder what people would look like if their outsides conformed ot their insides. If all the wonderful, compassionate, not so good looking people I have met had a physical beauty that matched the beauty of their soul, and if all those gorgeous, self-centered people, mean people were forced to see their spirit when they looked into the mirror......can you imagine how fast our values as a society would change?

If only we could see people for who they really are, if only we could try and see people the way God sees them, if only we could love them like God loves them.........

I can't love them as God loves them, but I try, WE MUST TRY.

MY GREATEST TEACHER (9/24/07)

It has been a long time since I've "blogged." I've been busy--very busy. I still am, but I felt that I was neglecting my little myspace site so I had to put something up here. There have been several things I have wanted to write on recently but of course I have missed my chance, and yesterday I was lamenting that I had nothing left to say when my teacher proved me wrong.

Some background info: The other day my baby girl managed to sleep ten hours straight, from 7:00pm to 5:00am. Never in my life have I been so thrilled to wake up at 5:00am, it was such an improvement from what it had been. She had been getting gradually better actually, and I had been very pleased for some time. Last night bed time came around 7:30, maybe 8:00. We rocked and we prayed and we sang lullabies and all those lovely things and she fell right asleep like a good girl....she woke up about 3 hours later. So we rocked and we sang and we rocked and rocked and rocked and sang and sang and sang and I TRIED SO HARD and so many times she looked like she was falling asleep but she never did. Around 1:15am I gave up and just put her in her crib and let her hang out in there while I went back to bed. About an hour and a half or so later she beckoned me to come to her, which I did, and we rocked and we ate and we...you get the idea. She started to fall asleep pretty quick but then....no.....awake. Awake and unpleasant. So we did the routine and aventually she fell back asleep. I just slept on the couch at this point and put her in the play pen; no sense getting comfortable in bed when you'll just be up shortly and indeed we were. 4:30am. We're up. Jenny took over for me and I went to bed for a couple of hours.

My point: My kid is turning out to be the greatest theological teacher I have ever had. How many times has God done for his children what I did for my daughter last night?! He cares for us and brings us to a spiritually healthy point in life (illustration: my kid sleeping) and then we go and screw it up (illustration: my kid waking). But still he comes to us and cares for us and does it again and again and again. To be honest, i was getting a bit irritated last night. That's right, the four month old was bugging me. And there was definetly a part of me that wanted to say "you're on your own kid, good luck. I already know how to sleep so I'm going to go do it." But no matter how bad I wanted to do that, love compelled me to respond to her, to help bring her back to a peaceful place even though she was fighting me on it. God must get irritated with us. He has made so many things so clear, and for those of us that have spent any time striving to live as he would have us we know that the rewards far outweigh any burdens; and yet we try to do it our own way time and time again and we end up crying about our crappy life and God comes, every time because his love for us compels him to.

She is my greatest theology teacher. What am I paying all this money for seminary for?

Britney Spears is Stalking Me (1/4/08)

Seriously. I can't get away from her. Britney on the radio, Britney on T.V.....everywhere. I guess she might as well be in my blog too (I'm rather embarassed that it was Ms. Spears who drove me back to blogging on myspace). Anyway, last night she refused to give her kids to her ex husband in defiance of a court order (or rather her ex's representatives, whatever that means). So this got the police involved. The police then got paramedics involved because Britney was clearly under the influence of something. Apparently she remained quite confused and disoriented at the hospital. It's really easy to trash on poor ol' Brit-she deserves it in a lot of ways. I can't imagine the trauma she has caused those poor kids of hers and something tells me that k-fed won't be much better (though he couldn't do much worse). There are two things that strike me though, beyond the o bvious Britney is a bad mom part. The first is that there are a lot worse moms (and dads) out there who just keep on being crappy parents and nobody really cares because they don't sing naked like Britney, or if they do you don't actually want to see it. Some of these parents are going to be bad parents no matter what and they should never have been allowed to have children in the first place. Why do we still consider that a "right"? Other crappy parents wouldn't be so crappy if they had help, but there's just not that much out there, There is some-but it's so hard to get that it may as well not exist. The other thing that strikes me is that Britney is destroying herself, just like so many other young women (who, again, don't get nearly so much attention for it). It's easy to chastise, as I have done, but it's so much harder to care and to help. Making fun of Britney makes us feel better about the crappy, stupid mistakes we have made, but it doesn't solve anything. Maybe Britney will stop this pop music crap and get her life together, learn how to be a good mom and a good person and then tell others how to do it too. Maybe. I realize I haven't introduced any solutions here, just thought I'd rant.

I’D RATHER NOT SAY (10/19/07)

like their confidentiality. Working in the industry I do, I have to ask for and sign and pass on releases of information about EVERYTHING. I suppose that's a good thing (usually); I like my confidentiality too. What I think is a load of crap though is people who make some statement about politics or religion or really anything but do so ananymously. For example, the other day I read some news magazine and I think every single source they had "asked to not be named discussing sensitive matters" or some crap like that. if you're not brave enough to say who you are than sit down and shut up! the same goes for letters to the editor with "name withheld." Don't print that crap! As I reader, I have no idea if one person sat down and wrote every article, made up quotes and then sent in letters to himself about them because I can't verify any sources! I realize there are exceptions to this, of course. "Whistleblowers" for example may need to stay in the dark for a while, but really, the rest are just cowards.
I'm going to be a bit bold for a second and say that I think we pull this crap in church too. I've seen a number of meetings, usualoly youth meetings, where the leader calls on everyone to "close their eyes" before asking if anyone wants to commit to the faith; this way the person won't be embarassed. That misses the whole point! If you are ready to declare yourself a believer that do it! If not, sit down and shut up (your time will come).
I spend way too much time trying to hide who I really am in some way because I am worried about how I will look. What a waste of time. The thing is-even though I wrote this whole thing I'm still going to do that. One little bit at a time, I suppose, let's all stop being such cowards.

Alright, that's all for now. Maybe part two will come along one day.

Random Quotes that Caught my Attention for no Real Reason at all

2010-03-15T17:55:00.000-07:00

“I have hairdressers who are gay. I live in California.” --Carrie Prejean

"Well this place is old, It feels just like a beat up truck, I turn the engine, but the engine doesn't turn" One Headlight, The Wallflowers

"I guess I must be wishing on someone else's star, It seems like someone else keeps gettin what I'm wishing for." Someone Else's Star, Bryan White (yeah, really.)

"I'll be long gone before some smart person ever figures out what happened inside this Oval Office." —President George W. Bush, in an interview with the Jerusalem Post, Washington, D.C., May 12, 2008

And to be fair:

"I've now been in 57 states — I think one left to go." —Barack Obama, at a campaign event in Beaverton, Oregon, May 9, 2008

The Myth of Me

2010-03-15T17:13:00.000-07:00

"A myth is a way of making sense in a senseless world. Myths are narrative patterns that give significance to our existence. Whether the meaning of existence is only what we put into life by our own individual fortitude, as Sartre would hold, or whether there is a meaning we need to discover, as Kierkegaard would state, the result is the same: myths are our way of finding this meaning and significance."
~ Rollo May, 1991, The Cry for Myth, p. 15

when i was little i believed that i was the center of my parent's world, that what they did was done with me in mind. i believed that i was the most important thing to them, that my concerns were as valid as theirs, that my opinion held the same weight. this was a myth, for my parents, like most people, were complex individuals with complex lives and a variety of concerns; i was merely one of them and not always the most important one, not even most of the time.

when i was a teenager i believed that i could change the world. i believe that i could do good things and that this would inspire other people to do good things. i believed that people were not selfish, but merely ignorant. i believed that if they knew what was happening, they would act to change it, and i could lead them in this grand revolution. this was a myth. it was i who was ignorant, it was i who did not understand. it turns out people really are selfish; it turns out i am too.

when i was in college i believed that what was good would stay good, and what was bad would stay bad i believed that i knew the difference. i believed in absolutes. this was a myth. it turns out that good and bad often come as a package deal, just like love and pain. it turns out that some things, many things, are ambiguous. how much easier a black and white world is!

i have this fantasy of being remembered, that my children's children will speak of me, and tell their children about what i have done. but this is a myth. i do not remember my great-grandfather's name, nor do i know what he did or what he was like and i certainly know nothing of his hopes and dreams and if any of these were achieved. chances are it will be the same for me.

so what is the truth? it is this: "I expect to pass through this world but once. Any good thing, therefore, that I can do or any kindness I can show to any fellow human being let me do it now. Let me not defer nor neglect it, for I shall not pass this way again."
- Stephen Grellet, 1773-1855 (French-born Quaker Minister)

Confessions

2010-03-15T15:38:00.000-07:00

so i just got done walking with my daughter to the gas station so we could buy junk food. we walked down the road, holding hands, and talking about whatever came our way, which included bugs, string cheese, wind, and carmel pop corn. oh, and spinny dresses. it was fun. she's cute. and smart. that brings me to confession #1: i like my kid better than yours. don't take it personally, i imagine you like your kids better than mine (though for some of you i can't imagine how), but you probably would never admit it. yeah, i think my kid is the best. she deserves someone who thinks she's the best.

tomorrow i will go to work way too early, well before my shift actually starts so i can be a diligent and good employee. and once again someone will say "what are you doing here?" AS IF I DON'T F'ING DO THIS ON A REGULAR BASIS! and someone will say "i don't know why you do this." well, i'm beginning to wonder myself. the second confession is this: if it still continues to not matter that i work hard at my job then i will stop working hard. that will probably matter a lot more.

do you think i'm friendly? most people do. but the thing is, you are probably not my friend. not that i don't want to be friends with, quite the opposite, actually. i'm just introverted to a fault. i lost my last friend some time ago. i don't really know how it happened; but one day my friend was gone. that was the third confession.

i think my life has grown stale. my job, my school (or lack thereof), the pathetic lack of anything interesting that i do--i am so bored. confession #4 is that life is boring, and i don't know what to do about it.

the fifth confession is the last confession, because i am bored of writing this and i think that it was probably a stupid thing to write anyway. it is simply this: i am searching endlessly for the cathartic experience. i was hoping this was it. it wasn't.

Just Writing

2010-03-15T15:18:00.000-07:00

so here i am, trying to figure out where i am and how i got here. as a general rule writing helps me figure that sort of thing out, but it doesn't seem to be helping now. in fact, depending on how you look at it, it has taken me at least an hour to make it this far on this post, and at most multiple months. i think i shall just write, and see where i end up.

i find in myself an often inconsolable grief. too dramatic for you perhaps? well, not for me. for me it is painfully accurate. but here's the really interesting thing i am discovering as i process this: i don't so much have grief over an event or situation (though there is that) as i do over the fact that nobody seems to care, as well as the fact that i care less and less.

i hope this gets better some day. and then that's the key right there, isn't it? hope. i still have a little; precious little.

Phoenix Photos

2010-02-24T22:06:00.001-08:00

Hurts So Good

2009-09-11T21:19:00.001-07:00

The other day I went with my dad out to a piece of property that he owns, 4 acres of trees and brambles. We walked around it, hacking our way through the brush, him telling me stories about when he did this there or that here. He imparted some wisdom to me, and we had a good time. I was sore afterwords, as he probably was, and a little bit bloody from blackberry attacks, but it was good. This is a rare thing in our relationship. Tomorrow I am going to go out there again and hack away for a little bit, and I know, strange as it is, that in the land I will feel closer to my dad. I know that on Sunday I am going to be so sore that I probably won't want to move, but I will appreaciate every ache.

My dad and I have a tenuous relationship. We don't always get along, but when we do I genuinely have a good time with him and I genuinely feel a kinship, in the truest sense of the word. But the thing is, we have to work so hard to get to that spot. While I wish it weren't that way, I am beginning to accept it for what it is. Growth comes through suffering, this is one of the most valuable lessons I have ever learned; it never comes easy. So too I think is the truth that the really good stuff always hurts at first, or maybe just at some point. Nothing worth having comes easy, cliche but true.

I suppose I didn't really have much to say, I just felt like letting some if this out.

Still Around

2009-09-08T17:41:00.000-07:00

It's been just over 5 months since I've been here; I was afraidI forgot the password. It's easy to let things like this slide when there are so many other things happening. I plan on writing, and then something happens and I think that waiting one more day won't matter, and one more day turns into a week which turns into a month which turns into a, well, at least I'm sure that I didn't leave a gaping hole in anyone's life other than mine.

Things are changing.....

Some things have gotten bad, so bad, so very bad. Some things are getting better, but it's happening so slowly. And some things just aren't moving at all.

It's time to reconcile some things, it's time to end others. I'm so unsure, but I am becoming more sure with every word I write (well, type).

Things are going to change, I can't stop it......

I hope this works.

Wicked Little Things

2009-03-31T09:17:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I took my daughter to the little playground and the Clackamas Town Center mall. This has become somewhat of a tradition for us, as I don’t work Monday’s but Jenny almost always does. It is Daddy-Daughter Day, and so we look for fun things to do together. Often that means French fries and the aforementioned play structures.

Now, for someone looking to study the behaviors of parents and/or their children, the play structure at the mall (hence forth referred to has “the toys”) make an excellent learning environment. There are so many fascinating behaviors to be observed, speeches to be heard, and so on, but it is two things in particular that spur me to blogging this day, and they are two opposite extremes.

The first is the very small children. Specifically, the very small children that are allowed to wander about virtually (and sometimes literally) unattended by parents, who for some reason think these big toys provide some sort of magical protections against injuries and evils. A few weeks ago when we were there and I was waiting for my daughter to slide down the slide there was a little girl who was a bit overzealous in her climbing and took a bit of a tumble. Other than the slight violation of social moirés that took place when I caught her, I don’t mind helping out like that; I mean, were all parents with toddlers, right? One big, happy family? What I do mind is when I have to actively intervene to protect a child that somebody else should have been watching in the first place. I am not a busybody parent, I don’t make it my business to police the toys and in fact I try my best to stay out of whatever it is someone else’s kid is doing, so you know if I am intervening than things have come to a head. So, having said that, please parents, do not let your 6 month old sit at the bottom of the slide and get run into by child after child coming down it. Please don’t make me move my daughter, who is going about it the right way, so she won’t injure your kid, who is not. THAT REALLY IRRITATES ME.

On the other end of the really little kids are the really big ones. The worst violation of this I ever saw was a child and his friend who were somewhere between the ages of 10 and 12. Generally though this applies to the kids are about 4 or 5, still young enough to play on the toys, and darn well old enough to know how to play nicely. Listen, every kid is naughty sometimes. My daughter sometimes has to work very hard to repress her urge to hit, and sometimes she needs my help to do so. So I will not judge you if I see you stopping your sweet little boy from pushing and then pinching my kid; I will be grateful! I will be somewhat more judgmental as I watch your kid beat the snot out of other little kids and shout about how the slide is his personal property all while you remains blissfully absorbed in your book or on your cell phone. My daughter, who is not yet two, made her way up the stairs to the slide a happy little girl, and by the time I made it around the other side to cheer her on she was in tears as some older boy was pushing her out of the way. She actually isn’t that big of a crier, this kid was making some sort of point, I think. We got through that, and to her credit she responded by reminding another group of kids not to push when the really little kid, who I mentioned earlier, decided to try his luck with the slide. That was much better than my reaction. Right after she was pushed several times I told her that next time she could punch him in the face. I should work on that, probably.

Moral of the story: parent your child, don’t make me do it, because I am not nearly as good with your kid as I am with mine.

I Work for A.I.G.!

2009-03-18T10:04:00.000-07:00

I heard there was a recession
But I ain’t felt a thing
That’s why I fly
On my private jet
And wear this hidden bling

I work for A.I.G.!
Yeah you know me!
I work for A.I.G.!
Let’s throw a party!

My maid, she has been crying
Says she can’t feed her child
I had to let her go
Cause don’t you know
Her emotions were too wild

I work for A.I.G.!
Yeah you know me!
I work for A.I.G.!
Do you see me?

I heard my company’s tankin’
But that’s ok, I found a chump
Hey Uncle Sam,
Could you lend me hand?
And get me over this financial hump?

I work for A.I.G.!
Yeah you know me!
I work for A.I.G.!
So give me more money!

They said there was a ruckus
Up on Capital Hill
But I never saw a thing
(cha ching!)
Except my stimulus bill!

I work for A.I.G.!
Yeah you know me!
I work for A.I.G.!
Gimme my bonus please!

Can't Think of What to Write, So I'll Let Them do it:

2009-03-13T09:41:00.000-07:00

"The thing I have to work on in myself is this issue of belief. Gandhi believed Jesus when He said to turn the other cheek. Gandhi brought down the British Empire, deeply injured the caste system, and changed the world. Mother Teresa believed Jesus when He said everybody was priceless, even the ugly ones, the smelly ones, and Mother Theresa changed the world by showing them that a human being can be selfless. Peter finally believed the gospel after he got yelled at by Paul. Peter and Paul changed the world by starting small churches in godless towns." – Don Miller

"I mean that to be in a relationship with God is to be loved purely and furiously. And a person who thinks himself unlovable cannot be in a relationship with God because he can't accept who God is; a Being that is love. We learn that we are lovable or unlovable from other people. That is why God tells us so many times to love each other." – Don Miller

"The church has been preoccupied with the question, "What happens to your soul after you die?" As if the reason for Jesus coming can be summed up in, "Jesus is trying to help get more souls into heaven, as opposed to hell, after they die." I just think a fair reading of the Gospels blows that out of the water. I don't think that the entire message and life of Jesus can be boiled down to that bottom line." – Brian McLaren

"My goal is to destroy Christianity as a world religion and be a recatalyst for the movement of Jesus Christ," –Erwin McManus

“I think it is worth saying again that theology is not the same as the story of God. Far too often, in my opinion, this becomes an issue, and when one disagrees with our theology, we can too easily assume they have abandoned Scripture or the story of God. Theology is explanatory - answering certain questions or addressing certain issues. But it must never be confused with the life of God or the story of God” – Doug Pagitt

"Too much debate about scriptural authority has had the form of people hitting one another with locked suitcases. It is time to unpack our shorthand doctrines, to lay them out and inspect them. Long years in a suitcase may have made some of the contents go moldy. They will benefit from fresh air, and perhaps a hot iron." – N.T. Wright

This is probably my favorite of the group:

"The point of following Jesus isn’t simply so that we can be sure of going to a better place than this after we die. Our future beyond death is enormously important, but the nature of the Christian hope is such that it plays back into the present life. We’re called, here and now, to be instruments of God’s new creation, the world-put-to-rights, which has already been launched in Jesus and of which Jesus’ followers are supposed to be not simply beneficiaries but also agents." – N.T. Wright

Dinner for Two

2009-03-06T10:03:00.000-08:00

Drinks at this resteruant were around $4.00 each. A minimally decent tip would be $13.00, which makes this dinner $60.00 per person. OR you can buy this stuff on sale at Safeway and have the same dinner for about $7.00-$10.00 per person. I'm just saying...

I've Gone Mental

2009-03-06T09:58:00.000-08:00

So I’m not feeling overly creative today, so I am stealing stuff from other people and posting it here as my own (except that I just told you it wasn’t my own). I did, however, make several tweaks to the two things below. The first I tweaked so it would fit my context better, and the second one I tweaked because it was one NASTY rant, but illustrative of my point none-the-less.

How you KNOW I work in the mental health field:

You dream of a $35,000 a year salary, because that’s when you’ll know you’re 'really making it'.

You know all the latest lingo for drugs, where to get them, and how much they cost.

You start every sentence with 'So what I hear you saying is...'

You’ve had 2 or more jobs at one time just to pay the bills.

You tell people what you do and they say 'that's so noble' Except for clients, who think you just want their money (ha!).

You know a man who once held his penis in his hand, because he didn’t want it attached to anything else (and this seems perfectly reasonable to him).

You write ‘masturbation contracts’ for those that still have it attached.

You use the words 'validate,' 'appropriate' and 'intervention' daily.

You spend more than half your day documenting and doing paperwork.

You think nothing of discussing child abuse and the various used of poop over dinner.

People have said to you 'I don't know how you do what you do’ (and secretly you wonder the same thing).

You’ve never been on a business trip or had an expense account.

You’re coworkers sometimes rock back a forth and say ‘release me.’

You’re very familiar with the concept of entitlement.

Staying at a job for 2 years is 'a long time'.

Your phone number is unlisted for good reason.

Your professional newsletters always have articles about raising salaries...but you still haven't seen it.

You’re very familiar with the term 'budget cut'.

You can't imagine working at a bank or crunching numbers all day.

You’ve had clients who liked you just a little too much.

Having lunch is a luxury many days.

You’ve been cursed at or threatened...and it doesn't bother you.

Your job orientation has included self defense.

You have the best stories at any party, and some people walk away thinking you’re a liar because nobody could be that crazy or abused.

Your parents don't know half of the stuff that you've dealt with at your job.

You know how to pass any drug test.

You go to court to face off against a client with no judgment and his/her lawyer with no heart and it hurts every time, but you still do it.

Anytime someone’s kid does something weird you hear about it because they want you to fix it.

You’ve looked at another human being and truly wondered if they were, in fact, human.

*******

This I just found online by happenstance the other day. I think it was a Craigslist ‘rant.’ Again, I cleaned it up a bit (a lot). This is really borderline postable, if that’s a word, but really, people need to know:

After years of idealism, I have finally decided that I am sick and tired of helping the disenfranchised and oppressed. I have a master's degree in social work, and I've worked in a number of different settings. I've been a social worker for Children's Protective Services, a therapist on a psych ward, and I've worked as a case manager for a non-profit that shall remain nameless. I've had a number of clients over the years that I would now like to thank for helping me come to the realization that certain people are beyond help. 1) The mother and father who forced their newborn son to nurse from the family dog: Thank you!! I thought it was going to be just another typical Monday morning. You know, examining 4 year olds and finding anal warts encrusting their little rectums, watching 7 year old little Johnny masturbate the way that Daddy taught him to, and removing little Suzie from her home so Mommy wouldn't be able to put cigarettes out on her thighs anymore. Boring, run-of-the-mill stuff. Then you two beautiful people entered my life. Just in time, I might add! I was beginning to think that abusive parents were losing their sense of creativity. Silly me! What's that? Oh, I know it wasn't your fault. Of course not. No, I agree, formula IS really expensive these days. You're absolutely right, sir, it WOULD have been worse to just let the baby starve. Can I ask you just one question though? Do you think that maybe, just maybe, you could have used your WIC voucher to purchase some formula instead of selling it so you could buy a crack rock? Screw me, you say? Nope. SCREW YOU, you smarmy pile of rhino s*^%! Screw you and your crack whore "baby mama". Your child is coming with me! Merry Christmas! 2) The meth addict with Borderline Personality Disorder: Sweetie, here's a word of advice. When you are in the midst of a legal battle in which your parental rights are at stake, it is BAD for your case if you show up for your weekly supervised visits with your children spun out of your mind. Also, if you're going to have fresh track marks all over your arms, you should at least wear a long sleeve shirt so I can't see them. We talked about this before, remember? I have to write a report to the judge in a few months, and I can't in good conscience recommend that the court return your children to you when you insist on showing up to your weekly visits high as a kite, wearing nothing but a t-shirt and a toothless grin. Also, it does not help your case if you assault me after I inform you that no, you can't see your kids today due to your inebriated state and your exposed vulva. I know you grew up in poverty, and I sympathize with your plight. Hell, I was poor growing up. My family was broke. We lived in the projects and never had no cheese for our hamburgers or nuthin. Somehow, though, we still managed to find ourselves some PANTS when we went out IN PUBLIC! 3) The guy who cut his own penis off and left it sitting on the altar at the Catholic church: Dude, the psychiatrist gave you the Haldol for a reason. You should really try taking it every now and then. You're really gonna kick yourself when you come out of this particular episode and realize that your johnson has transubstantiated into the body of Christ. Look, I agree that the Catholic church did some messed up stuff back in the day, but was this really necessary? What exactly did you think you were going to prove? Oh I know, I know, the voices told you to do it. But if the voices told you to go jump off of a bridge, would you do it? Wait, forget I said that. 4) The crackhead mother with 27 cats: I called you in advance to set up our appointment. You KNEW I was going to be at your house that day and that I would be evaluating your progress in making your home habitable so that your kids could be returned to you. So why, oh why did you answer the door with a CRACK PIPE IN YOUR HAND???? Oh, it's not yours? You were just holding onto it for your neighbor? Sure, I'll buy that. Let me ask you something though. Are those your neighbor's cat turds overflowing in the kirchen sink? No, you're right, those litter boxes ARE expensive. Perhaps you should consider getting rid of a few of the cats so there will be room for your children. Just a thought. By the way, is that your neighbor's blood coagulating over there on the couch? 5) The crack addict who prostituted her 8 year old son to support her drug habit: Congratulations! You have just managed to turn me into a supporter of the death penalty! What's that? You're concerned about having your little boy placed in an abusive foster home? Oh don't worry, your son is fine, dear. He won't be going to a foster home after all. You see, we had to place him in an institution because he now likes to save his feces in plastic bags so he can use them as lubrication when he jacks off onto women's panties. He also tries to rape other children. What causes him to do such awful things, you ask? Well, I'm not sure dear, but I'll hazard a guess. I could be wrong, but perhaps his current behaviors have something to do with the fact that his MOTHER RENTED OUT HIS ASS TO HUNDREDS OF PEDOPHILES TO SUPPORT HER CRACK HABIT!!!! I'd love to beat you upside the head with a tire iron. I'd probably lose my license if I did that, though. 6) To the woman who didn't want her child to be adopted by those "faggots": It's so refreshing to meet a woman who cares so much about her child for once! You're right, honey. The Bible DOES say that homosexuals are an abomination to God. Tell me, what does the Bible say about punishing your toddler for crying by sticking him with your dirty syringe needles, thereby infecting him with HIV and hepatitis? I know the Bible says "spare the rod and spoil the child", but I don't remember anything about sparing infectious diseases and spoiling the child. Perhaps you were reading the New International Version? Incidentally, those two "faggots", as you call them, have a few important things to offer your child that you have neglected to provide. What can a couple of faggots offer YOUR child, you ask? Well, first and foremost, they have JOBS!!!! Yes, that's right, JOBS!!!!!!! These jobs provide them with a trivial little thing known as HEALTH INSURANCE, which will be used to cover the medical treatment your child has to receive for the diseases that YOU gave him. These abominations to God are also capable of providing something called a HOME THAT IS NOT INFECTED WITH LICE AND CRACK. Finally, and most importantly, they will give him something known as LOVE. Ever heard of it? Ok, I feel much better now. I think I might go back to school for an MBA or something. I'm tired of working to help these people for 60 hours a week at $35,000/year.

That's One Way to Feel Special

2009-02-27T12:21:00.000-08:00

I heard recently about what must be some really good ice cream. You can find it at a place called Serendipity in New York city. It’s a sundae, created to celebrate their fiftieth anniversary, and it only costs $1000. Yeah, one-thousand. Now, I’m not going to go into huge detail about what goes in to the sundae because that would bore me, with the exception of mentioning two ingredients: The first is the 23k gold topping (yeah, it’s edible) and the caviar that goes on the very top. Now, I truly like both gold and snails, but I think you would have to pay me $1000 to eat either one. Besides, that makes up a significant chunk of my mortgage, so I really can’t justify spending it on a bit of ice cream. I do like how the sundae is shaped like a middle finger pointed at all the middle and lower socioeconomic folks struggling through this economy, and a special fist shaped version is available for people like to mock Third World countries (ok, I made that last bit up, but you get what I mean).

Hmmm....

What I Wish I Had Blogged About

2009-02-20T10:14:00.000-08:00

So I’ve been on a blogging hiatus, but I am not making a real attempt to get back to it, so the two of you who read this will have that to look forward to. There have been a number of things that I would have liked to comment on here on my online podium, but I know that I will never give them each the treatment they deserve. Never-the-less, Here are the top 5 things I wish I would have blogged on (and a summary of what I would have said). In no particular order:

1. Jatropha. Heard of it? Me either! At least not until recently. But it seems to be worth hearing about. Jatropha is a neat little plant (actually, there are several varieties) who’s nuts produce an oil that can be used as fuel. Three reasons why this is a big deal: 1. It burns clean. Unlike our terrorist-provided oil it doesn’t pollute as it is used. 2. It comes from Latin America and the Caribbean. They grow it in India too, I think. The double bonus here is that these shamefully destitute places may have found a way to make some money, while our frenemies in OPEC will be losing some. 3. Unlike ethanol, cultivating jatropha won’t drive up food prices because you can’t eat it, so there is no competition.

2. Chimps Should Live in Trees. More to the point, they shouldn’t live in houses. And they shouldn’t share your bed or drink wine with you because THEY GO NUTS AND PEOPLE GET HURT. As a general rule, I’m not a fan of animals in cages (and a house constitutes a cage for a chimp. For that matter, so does almost every exhibit at the zoo, including the Portland zoo and most especially the Boise zoo). Now, to be fair, I have had “caged” pets before. My tarantula, for instance. But he (or she, I never asked) lived in a 65 gallon aquarium. I’ve had pet rats, and their cage was two stories and almost as big as my bed. The point is, if you cage any creature, or treat it as anything other than the creature it is (a chimp is not a human, for instance), bad things happen.

3. Ted Haggard is an Insurance Salesman. This honestly makes me very sad. I’ve never thought of myself as having a whole lot in common with Haggard (even less now), but as president of the NEA he was one of the family, you know? Granted, he was dishonest and immoral and absolutely should have been removed from his position as president and as pastor of New Life Church, but even then he should have been able to turn to the church for help. Instead, they literally kick him out of Colorado (they later changed their minds on that one). Look, guys, Jesus was not very image-conscious, so get over yourself and help the guy out. And Ted, don’t ever think about preaching again.

4. Christian Bale is a Jerk! You have probably heard by now about his little tirade on the set of the new Terminator movie (unrelated note: Really? Another one?). He threw a temper tantrum like a little girl and humiliated an employee on the set. Apparently he believes he really is as special as our celebrity-worshipping society has told him he is. Assistant Director and Associate Producer Bruce Franklin is defending him though, saying he was interrupted during a very emotional scene (in a Terminator movie?). Sounds like Bruce is hoping Christian will want to work with him in later movies. Not likely Bruce. The whole thing kind of reminds me of Alec Baldwin’s verbal abuse of his daughter in which he called her a pig (amongst other things) in a phone message. Celebrities really are different from us.

5. Obama Opposes Reinstituting the Fairness Doctrine. Good on you, Mr. President. You are now entitled to a tirade because you are special. The Fairness Doctrine was adopted in 1949 and held that broadcasters were obligated to provide opposing points of views on controversial issues of national importance. It was halted under the Reagan administration. What it comes down to is that at the very least it gives whiners a chance to whine and at its worst it provides a legal way to force others to support your point of view. Maybe I’ll send Obama a thank you note and few suggestions for some other ways to really wow the public is his first 100 days. Oh hell, I’ll just run for president in 2016.

One last thing….we’ve bailed out big business (i.e. gave them those bonuses they SO deserved), we’ve bailed out the car makers, we’ve bailed out those banks who can’t be bothered by people such as myself, and now we’re bailing out homeowners who shouldn’t have bought the house in the first place because you couldn’t afford it. Where’s my bail out?

A Blog of No Consequence

2009-01-21T10:26:00.000-08:00

It's been over a month since I posted! I have nothing grand to say, it just made me sad to think that I was falling farther and farther down the blog roll lists of my friends. A preview for the future: I will blog about selling my house (it's keeping me busy!) and about how my employer, Cascadia Behavioral Healthcare, is incompetent in almost every way. I need to do part two of the Hannukkah blog and sometime I will write something theological too.

I have been busy selling a house, trying to get people medical coverage, getting yelled at by demented clients (I don't mean demented as an insult, but as a diagnosis) and trying, though not succeeding, in putting together an older kids dealy for church. Poor me.

More Wise Words That Are Not my Own

2008-12-05T11:48:00.000-08:00

"...life is a journey in a fallen world, where things are not the way they are supposed to be. Plans do not always go as expected. That for all of our sense of self-importance and control, we really have little management over the course of life—no more than a mariner has control of the sea."

-John Johnson (Village Pastor)

Aborting Barack

2008-12-03T16:54:00.000-08:00

“A South Carolina Roman Catholic priest has told his parishioners that they should refrain from receiving Holy Communion if they voted for Barack Obama because the Democratic president-elect supports abortion, and supporting him "constitutes material cooperation with intrinsic evil."
The Rev. Jay Scott Newman said in a letter distributed Sunday to parishioners at St. Mary's Catholic Church in Greenville that they are putting their souls at risk if they take Holy Communion before doing penance for their vote.”

Hmm….I think I have a few issues with this. But before I mention them I feel like I should, once again, clarify my fundy stance on the issue. I don’t like abortions, I’ll go on record as saying that they’re not good; when I run for president in 2016 I will run as a pro-life candidate. I have said many times that the church needs to be the church and the state needs to be the state and that the church is in the position to do the most good when it is not trying to be political, and I think that is true about the issue of abortion as well. However, abortion happens to be an issue where the use of the political process can be valuable, and I’m not limiting that to laws banning abortions but rather government programs that prevent the need for abortions and serve as alternatives for it. Further, a politicians stance on this issue is a big deal to me, a very big deal, actually. I am not pleased with Barack Obama’s position on abortion and it was the subject of much reflection before I voted for him.

And that brings me to my first issue with Rev. Jay. Why have you highlighted this particular issue above any others, Reverend? Again, I bet both RJ (Rev. Jay) and I have the same basic view of abortion. It causes trauma to the mother, often times the father, and also to the doctor and nurses who perform the abortion, and it kills another human being. But what about arrogantly sending young people overseas to kill and be killed in the name of machismo? What about taking money away from programs designed to feed children and house the homeless so that the wealthy can have their tax break? Is that not sin? Human beings like to rank sin, to make some sins worse than others; God doesn’t do that: sin is sin.

RJ goes on to say that “voting for a pro-abortion politician when a plausible pro-life alternative exits constitutes material cooperation with intrinsic evil…” I don’t think so, RJ. I think we live in a fallen world and sometimes the right choice doesn’t exist. I think we are able to make the “most right” choice, but evil permeates this world and this world is governed by politicians, and thus I am forced to try and figure out what is most right. This is, in large part, a matter of conscience and this is between me and the Holy Spirit, not me and the priest (or pastor).

Telling someone that he or she shouldn’t or can’t take communion is bold and rather risky. To do so assumes a certain level of authority that I don’t think Scripture grants. By all means, RJ, we need to proclaim truth, fight for the good and speak for those who cannot speak for themselves, but let us not presume to speak for God where he has not first spoken.

Oh, catchy blog title, huh? An attention-getter, I think.

My Festival of Lights (part one)

2008-12-02T11:06:00.001-08:00

The last several years Jenny and I have commemorated Hanukkah, getting a little better at it each year (having not been raised to celebrate Hanukkah I am learning as I go). Often when people find this out they question why we would do this, as we are not Jewish (if they even know what Hanukkah is at all). My response is that the event which Hanukkah celebrates is a part of redemptive history and there is nothing about it that should make it exclusively a Jewish celebration; this was a miracle that God did, and I want to celebrate those. But they do have a point: we are not Jewish, which means that when we celebrate Hanukkah in the light of Christ we will celebrate it a little bit differently.

I’m still trying to figure out how this celebration plays itself out in the long run for my family and, hopefully, for other that will eventually join us. I’m still learning about the history of it and the foreshadowing that is present within the story. Over the coming weeks I hope to learn more, and to help in doing that I am going to tell the story of Hanukkah here. It’s actually a pretty long story, so I’m going to do it in parts. Here is part one:

PART I: FOREIGN RULE
Antiochus III, also known as Antiochus the Great, became the 6th ruler of the Seleucid Empire in 223 BC (ish) at the age of 18, and ruled until 187 BC. During his reign Antiochus fought many wars with an eye toward expanding his kingdom. In 198 BC Antiochus defeated Scopas and ended Ptolemaic rule in Judea.

The relationship between the Jews and the Seleucid king was overall cordial; the Jews paid taxes and accepted the Syrian authority and the king allowed them to lead relative autonomous lives, especially in regards to their faith. This friendly relationship was not to last, however, as the king’s successor and son, Antiochus IV, called "Antiochus Epiphanes" (God’s beloved) ascended to the Seleucid throne. A historian of the time, Polebius, called him “Antiochus Epimanes” (madman). At this time Roman influences and taxes began to take their toll on the Jewish people. Antiochus IV looted the temple in Jerusalem for its gold, gold whose purpose was the upkeep of the temple and charity toward God’s people. He sought to unify his region under one state religion and began persecuting and massacring the Jews. He suppresed Jewish laws and removed the High Priest, Yochanan, replacing him with a Greek sympathizer. Antiochus IV desecrated the temple by ordering the sacrifice of pigs on the alter and in 167 ordering a statue of Zeus be erected in the temple of Yahweh.

At this time the Jews were not only facing an external struggle to maintain their faith, but an internal one as well. Over a 100 years earleir Alexander the Great had conquered, well, just about everything and in so doing spread the Greek traditions and beliefs whereever he went. In the preceeding century the Jews has assimilated much Greek culture, watering down many of their distictive beliefs and practices.

PART II: THE MISCALCULATION

Some Early Christmas Cheer (or whatever)

2008-11-21T10:40:00.000-08:00

My relationship with Santa has been a bit like riding a Christmas roller coaster over the years. There has been twists and turns, hills and valleys, and times when we have just been plugging along as calm as could be, content with our relationship, only to hit a surprise curve or sudden plunge. The roller coaster has more or less settled into a nice, gentle, “It’s a Small World” type of ride in recent years, though with the relatively recent addition of a child to the family I anticipate some bumps and curves ahead.

When I was very little I was, as most kids are, quite fine with Santa. I think I even wrote him a letter or two back in the day. I honestly don’t remember a time when I really believed in Santa, though my parents would insist otherwise (I DO remember a time when I used to humor them about my belief in Santa though). While we weren’t exactly tight, Santa and I had a good, working relationship ion my childhood.

But then I started to grow up. Santa and I gradually became more and more cold toward one another as I didn’t like the way he was infringing on Jesus’ big day. Along around college time I came up with and admittedly mean, albeit I think funny, nick name for the big guy: Satan Clause. The right jolly old elf wasn’t laughing about that one. Besides, the guy was starting to creep me out. “He sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake,” that just screams dirty old man to me. “He knows if you’ve been bad or good SO BE GOOD FOR GOODNESS SAKE!” Scary and threatening I say. It was about that time that I saw a clever little display protesting the commercialism of Christmas:

Ha. Still makes me laugh a bit. But seriously, we are kidding ourselves if we think that Jesus is the reason for the season. These days, your credit card is the reason for the season. But back in the day Jesus wasn’t the reason either-Mithras was. Mithras is a nasty little pagan bull-god whose birthday happens to be on December 25th, and he knew how to throw a good party. So good, that all the newly converted Catholics still wanted to party so the Pope let them, just so long as the celebrated Jesus’ b-day instead.

All this had made me rather cynical toward St, Nick and the phallic symbol we put in our living rooms every December and the holiday as a whole, but then…..I met the man. I met Santa at a Muslim Christmas party; I know, shouldn’t really go together, right? But that’s what it was. A big group of Muslim refugees coming into a church (or more accurately a warehouse with a cross and some ugly Awana banners used as a church) to have a Christmas party, complete with three well adorned phallic symbols and a Santa. The children sat on Santa’s lap, told him their hopes, their favorite school subject, that sort of thing. Then they got a present and very often a hug. There were a few teenage girls who sat with Santa, giggling incessantly the whole time and getting their pictures taken. I saw a community of people who are often lacking in good things come together to receive joy and fellowship from each other and love from the church (the church!). I saw little kids get an extra hug and some extra attention from a caring adult and I got to be part of an event that truly helped people move closer to the love and grace of Christ. Santa wasn’t hindering, he was helping, and at least on this day Jesus was the reason for the season. I gave in:

Oh Santa, you done good. So, what will I tell my daughter about Santa Clause when she gets old enough to ask? And how will I explain the Jesus connection? I really love that little book “Yes Virginia, There is a Santa Clause” and of course the letter to the little girl that is the heart of the book. I’m not going to try to pretend that the man actually exists because, well, that’s weird. But, lest I be “affected by the skepticism of a skeptical age” (from the letter) I will gladly embrace Santa from now on.

What about Jesus? Well, to be perfectly frank, it’s not his birthday and I don’t intend to ever pretend that it is. But what I can do is celebrate the miracle of God himself becoming incarnate to establish a new covenant of grace. I can celebrate the miracle of God keeping the lamp burning for eight days so the temple could be purified when there was only enough oil for one day, I can celebrate the miracle of Nicholas of Myra, a man devoted to his faith in God who consistently displayed both courage and generosity. I can celebrate the miracle of a little girl who tried to be born too early but managed to stay put until nearly her due date. I can celebrate miracles, period.

Santa and I still have a little ways to go in working out our relationship, but I think in the end we’ll be ok-as long as he doesn’t spend too much time at the mall or doing commercials.

Still Got It

2008-11-18T17:25:00.000-08:00

In my email: "Hey there, i was just reading your profile i would love to chat with you hit me up on msn my messanger ID is sexygirlluvscam@hotmail.com"

What really amuses me is that her/his/its email could be read as "sexy girl luvs cam," which, call me cynical, is just dirty, or you can read it as "sexy girl luv scam," which is refreshingly truthful.

AWSOME

Scanning the Want Ads

2008-11-11T15:07:00.001-08:00

I was just looking at some youth ministry positions because, well, I don't know why anymore. Anyway, I found some things I thought were interesting:

LIAR:
“We desire a relationally strong shepherd who loves students, families and leaders and wants to be part of a great team!”

Forgot to say that he needs to be young, have a wife that plays piano, enjoy basketball and football, know how to play silly games, and say “dude”

TOO MUCH:
“The successful candidate will have a college degree, preferably in Christian Education, Elementary or Early Childhood Education, a minimum of 5 years experience leading a children's ministry program, proven knowledge of curriculum methods and an impressive track record leading, recruiting, organizing and training multiple lay leadership teams.”

I’m wondering, all this for a part time position with almost no pay? Why would someone with all that experience be looking for such a position? Makes me nervous.

NOT ENOUGH:
“tolerance for kids and their parents”

Ha.

AMUSING:
“Title: Pastor or Director of Children’s Ministries. *Position title will be determined based upon experience, education and other demonstrated qualifications.”

Which one is holier? The pastor or the director?

UNDEFINABLE:
“Demonstrate the character traits of Jesus Christ”

Is your Jesus a Republican? A feminist? A Lutheran?

WOW:
“We invite all qualified male candidates from North America to apply”

No Africans allowed.

ANNOYING:
“Musical ability helpful”

Why?! Why must all associate positions include this in their qualifications?

CONTRADICTORY:
“Able to follow instructions of Pastor/Elders, Authentic/Real lifestyle”

What happens when I authentically disagree with the elders? Do you really want a Pastorbot?

Getting the Gays

2008-11-07T13:14:00.000-08:00

The question of the validity of gay marriage has become one of the defining political questions of this generation, in the same manner that segregation was a defining political question in the generation previous. The question of a constitutional amendment on the federal level declaring marriage to be between only a man and a woman still lingers, while on a state level the question has already been answered in several places, including Oregon and California. In 2000 California voters banned gay marriage, a ban that was overturned by the California Supreme Court. A few days ago Californians voted on it again and again banned gay marriage, sparking several protests, particularly in front of LDS (Mormon) churches for their very public support of the ban. I think, based on what I have seen in the current youth culture, bans such as this will be relatively short lived. The emerging culture is self-defined as progressive, tolerant, and open-minded, and they will not tolerate what they perceive to be discrimination-and I think they’re right-mostly.

Let me say this, just to get it on the table: I oppose gay marriage. But I also oppose banning it. "‘People believe in the institution of marriage,’ Frank Schubert, co-manager of the Yes on 8 campaign said. ‘It's one institution that crosses ethnic divides, that crosses partisan divides. ... People have stood up because they care about marriage and they care a great deal’" (from Fox News). If we care about marriage, than we need to be supporting it in a way that will really matter as opposed to the nominal support offered by political referendums. The institution of marriage belongs to the church, not the government; no matter how right or just or popular a law is, it will never be capable of sanctifying anything. As one who is attempting to live life in the way of Jesus, I oppose gay marriage and I would never perform a wedding for a gay couple, regardless of whether the law instructed me to do so or forbade me from doing so, it is a mute point.

Having said that, it IS the government’s job to ensure that all citizens, regardless of race, religion, or sexual orientation receive equal rights under the law. This includes essentially benign issues like filing a joint tax return to much more profound, impactful issues such as who has the right to make decisions when their partner cannot make the decisions for themselves. This is what civil unions are for, to establish equal protections under the law for committed couples. To those who would support a ban on gay marriage on religious grounds I would make three points:

1) God already bans it, so what’s the point of putting into secular law? Homosexuality is one of a myriad of issues where my faith speaks but the government is (or should be), rightfully, silent.

2) In getting a government ban on ghay marriage, have you done for the gay/lesbian individual to lead him or her closer to Christ? Do you think that by banning a legal recognition of their partnership they will suddenly repent and come to Christ? If the answer to these questions was no, then what was the point?

3) What possible good are you doing for the Kingdom of God as a whole by getting your state to ban gay marriage? It is trivial, because it is temporal. Collecting signatures, going to the voting booth, holding picket signs, all these things are really rather easy to do, and as is most often the case with things that are easy to do it is also rather meaningless. If we want to support the institution of marriage and make an impact for the Kingdom then we need to do the hard work of building the church up, not the easy and pointless work of tearing outsiders down. Provide premarital/marriage counseling and workshops, mentor engaged couples and young people, provide a safe, non-judgmental, grace filled atmosphere for all people to come to know the love of Christ. Earn the right to speak truth by doing the work of love.

Please, comment.

Show Me the Money

2008-11-06T10:04:00.001-08:00

I received a phone call last night from a former professor of mine from my wild and crazy Bible college days (they really were fairly wild a crazy-but that’s a different story). I wasn’t able to get to the phone in time, but he left me a message. He said that he just wanted to check-in and see how I was doing and ask about any prayer requests that I might have that he and the alumni association could pray about. It was nice, considering my not so tight relationship with the alumni association.

Shortly after graduating from Bible college I received a nice letter from the association, which said two things: 1) Congratulations of graduating, and 2) Please send in your dues right away. Now, I’m not sure if that’s how it was supposed to work, or if all alumni associations do business this way, but I couldn’t help but notice that there was never any invitation to join. I remember being so caught off guard by the tone of the dues request (there was a definite sense of “you owe us this money”) that I even looked through past mail and asked around to see if I or anyone else had been asked to join, or if they had simply been asked to pay up. I think it wouldn’t have been such a big deal had we (me and my small merry band) ever been invited to join anything at the school. As I neared the end of my time there I met with the academic dean who commented, rightly, that we had always been a bit of a separate group. I told him, “At the risk of sounding juvenile, they started it.” You see, before being invited to join, we were told to conform, but my long haired, New Living Translation loving self couldn’t do it. (I realize there is probably more than one side to this, but it’s my blog so it’s my side).

I never did send in any dues, and after several attempts they stopped asking. I check-up on the college from time to time, but we never really hear any news from them, I don’t know if all the good dues payers hear more information than us. I have always been a little sad that I didn’t have a closer relationship with the school (though in saying that I’m not sure how a human and a school have a relationship, but I think they can), so it was nice to hear from them the other day.

The problem is, he kept talking. “We’d like to hear any prayer requests you might have, and don’t forget that we still need help finishing the new men’s dorm! You can send……” Thanks for the call, guys.

Evil Bastards and Pagans

2008-11-01T10:12:00.000-07:00

Two blogs for the price of one. Lucky you.

Evil Bastards:

We received a political mailing the other day that invited us to “look into the mind of so and so.” I didn’t read it, the cover was enough for me. Under the guises of this somewhat benign title was a picture of the candidate whose mind I was supposed to look into, except that half of his picture was gone, replaced with a skeleton. Clever. Look into his mind, ha. I get it. CLEARLY the image was NOT meant to invoke the idea of peering into this candidates thought process but was, rather, intended to portray him in an ugly, scary, evil way and hopefully plant that image in my head when I think of him. This candidate was of course not the only victim of such caricature nor was the political party behind the ad the sole perpetrator of such things. Watch the political commercials with a discerning eye (it doesn’t actually have to be THAT discerning) and you will see that the images of the opponent are always the worst ones possible and the sound bytes are always taken out of context. Even the music used is chosen for the purposes of creating either a feeling of dread or joviality. Can you imagine if the politicians we send to Washington (or Salem) really were the evil bastards like their opponents tout? (Yeah, some are). If we really were to believe everything they say, and everything we act like we believe when talking about the “other side” then we really have to admire the separatists in hills of Idaho and Utah.

Pagans:

Pagans aren’t evil bastards, they’re just pagans. But that’s not the point.

Once upon a time, a long time ago, for an extremely brief moment, I debated internally whether or not I would one day allow my child to participate in the festivities of Halloween via trick or treating and jack o’ lanterns and so on. I debated it, because at the time I was part of a very conservative, and frankly rather legalistic church where that’s ort of thing simply wasn’t done. The rationale behind this is that Halloween is or at the very least is based on a pagan holiday where demons or dead people (or sometimes both) are invoked and worshipped and Satanists really like that day. Well, there is a bit of truth to it. There are some pagan belief practices that honor October 31st as a holiday, as do bona fide Satanists. However, they do not celebrate Halloween (unless they do it with their kids after worship). Halloween, as we know it today, is entirely a kid’s holiday. I will grant that October 31st is a pagan holiday, with some similarities, but what is practiced as worship is not nor has it ever been Halloween; that some people have some peculiar beliefs about pumpkins should not stop the rest of us from carving funny faces into them.

Another problem I have with the “Halloween is pagan” argument is that most of those who make that argument celebrate other pagan holidays too, either out of ignorance or because over the years we have cleaned it up enough for it to be palatable to them. The prime example of this is Christmas. Now hear this: Jesus was absolutely NOT born on December 25th, or any time close to that. Jesus, in other words, is not the reason for the season, Mithras is. The followers of Mithras celebrated his birthday on December 25th (they even called it Mithmas—seriously) and when the Roman empire became Christian the church had to decide what to do with all these feisty former pagans who wanted to party so they declared that everyone would celebrate the birth of Jesus instead of Mithras. We even celebrate with fertility (phallic?) symbols in our living rooms every year! Is this not pagan?! Now there are those who don’t celebrate either Halloween or Christmas, and are not Jehovah Witness’s, and I respect that (though you need to party sometime, right?). But seriously, if we are going to sit around our phallic symbols every winter and open our celebrations of greed, can we not take our little ones out for a bit of candy?

India dressed as a little kitty, by the way. SO CUTE.

Deep Thoughts

2008-10-27T11:03:00.000-07:00

"He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose."

JIM ELLIOT, Missionary and martyr
1927 - 1956

Announcing my Candidacy!

2008-10-25T12:54:00.000-07:00

I would like to take this opportunity to announce my candidacy for President of the United States in the 2016 elections. I realize that it is a little early to make the announcement, but I anticipate several hurdles along the way that will take some time and creativity to overcome, so I am starting now. I am running as an independent and am not a member of any political party, though I welcome the endorsements of all of them so long as they can support my platform. Let me give you an outline of what I envision the Stults administration to look like:

-> I will be nobody’s bi---! As I am not affiliated with a party and no Political Action Committee or special interest group is likely to take a risk on me I will be indebted to no one!

-> Shooting people is bad! I don’t think people in our country should shoot each other, so I will put a stop to it. I think using our words is better than using our weapons with other countries, and I don’t want people from other countries to shoot us (If I have to shoot them I will, but not until we sit down and talk about it like grown ups).

-> If you can afford to pay more taxes then I’m gonna make you. If you can’t afford to pay then I’ll back off.

-> I like to drink clean water and breathe clean air, so that will b e a priority.

-> I know you can’t afford health insurance (I can’t either!), so as president I’ll make the insurance agencies and the HMO’s stop being so greedy and start taking care of people, and if you can’t afford your medicine I’ll let you buy it from Canada!

-> Speaking of Canada, let’s invade! No, scratch that.

-> Did you know that most of those legislators are rich? Yeah, I’m going to take away their salaries and a lot of their perks.

-> I think torture is bad.

-> I hate dealing with problems! So I’m going to hire a lot of people who are good at preventing problems.

-> I think kids should be smart! In my administration, we’ll implement education policies that allow teachers to teach kids the way they learn best (hint: it isn’t sitting in desks in neat rows).

-> My campaign is grassroots cause I have no money! Therefore, I will influence politics in America such that the “little guy” has more of a voice and the wealthy power houses can shut the he— up.

-> There are no topless pictures of me on the internet.

Well, that’s what I have so far. Eight years is going to go quicker than we think, so let’s all be ready!

President Palin

2008-10-23T16:54:00.001-07:00

Gotta see it: http://www.palinaspresident.us/

Random Thoughts on the Church and Crazy People

2008-10-22T12:25:00.000-07:00

Ugg! I have tried to write for a long time now, but I am having blogger’s bloc. To try and combat that I figured I would just sit at the computer and babble (or whatever the equivalent of babbling is when typing) and see what comes out.

There are two things that have been on my mind lately. The first thing is the church (not that this is anything new, “church” is always on my mind), or more specifically, the emerging church. Two observations on this: First, I am not an expert on the emerging church. Though I am trying to become more educated, reading various e-zines and blogs both for and against (I would read the books but then I would have to pay for them) and chatting with whoever will chat about such things. Still, owing in part I think to the “emerging” and therefore changing and morphing nature of the emerging church, I am no expert. The other thing I have discovered in my studies so far (this is observation number two) is that nobody else seems to be either. Ok, let me back off that a bit. There are people who seem to know their stuff, but I have rarely found anyone who is able or willing to do an even-handed treatment of the movement. I see a lot of finger pointing from the more traditional camps, almost all of which is inaccurate in substance. On the other hand, a lot from the emerging movement is doing the same thing, blaming any spokesman of the traditional church they can find for the various ills therein.

This is not unique to the emerging/not emerging groups. When I was in college we spent a lot of time making fun of the “ridiculous” theological positions of the Calvinists and arming ourselves against the liberals. When I got to seminary I found a group of Calvinists predetermined to defeat my Arminian viewpoints. The mental image I have of all this is a bunch of wannabe theologians standing with their backs to each other, pointing at the various differences, or more often the caricatures of the differences, when what they should be doing is facing each other and pointing at the similarities that bind us. It’s not as if this a new thought to anyone, it’s just been bugging me (again) lately.

Here is the other thing on my mind these days: Mary (I made that name up, it’s not her real name). “Mary” is a client that we discharged last week. She had been previously court committed to mental health treatment, but the commitment was dropped and she chose to leave our facility and return to the drug infested, nasty little home she was in before, living with her mom who is not much higher functioning than Mary is herself. I have spent the better part of my time for the last few weeks trying to secure the girl services, make sure she is taking her medications, make sure she isn’t using drugs or prostituting herself, and a myriad of other things that fully functioning individuals don’t really think about, the just do it as a matter of course. I am frustrated that it is so hard for Mary to get services, I am frustrated that the people that are supposed to help her are saying they don’t have the time or resources to do the job (like I do?!). I am frustrated that we live in a society that buys $4.00 lattes but lets its mentally ill waste away, pleasantly out of sight.

I am frustrated that the church is wasting its energy calling each other names instead of stepping up to the plate and taking care of the vulnerable, the disenfranchised, and the outcast. I am frustrated that it feels like all I can do is be frustrated.

Team America

2008-10-11T11:02:00.000-07:00

Blah. I haven’t blogged for a long time-too busy worrying about losing the house. We’re still not out of the woods (actually, we keep going farther in) but I feel like blogging anyhow.

So my lack of finances has gotten me thinking about finances and economics in general, which got me thinking about politics, which made me think about these Obama and McCain guys. I’m really not sure who I’m going to vote for yet, though the addition of Palin to the Republican ticket has certainly nudged me more in one direction (to the left). To be honest, I don’t really like a whole lot of what either of them have to say, and what I do like I don’t trust them on; that is to say, promises are easy to make, harder to carry out. And what I really, really don’t appreciate is how I feel like I am in jr. high again whenever I listen to them debate or see one of the commercials. How am I supposed to feel good about two guys running for president of the United States that get caught up playing the stupid “gotcha” games that the rest of us (well, most of us) got over after eighth grade?

I came to the conclusion long ago that the man himself, that is, who the actual president is, isn’t going to make a whole lot of difference in the political landscape. What I am voting for when I vote for president isn’t really based on which candidate I like better, but on which sphere of influence I find most valuable. For example, McCain will most likely fill his cabinet with conservative thinkers and appoint conservative judges and listen to the conservative groups that helped him get elected. Obama will do the same with his liberals. So my vote isn’t for a man, it is for an ideology, and once again I do not line up with either one. Rather, I find myself wanting to pick and choose from each, as well as eliminating several tenants from either side.

Abortion, for example: I fall in line with conservatives. On the environment I am more of a Democrat. I think guns should be controlled, but I also think that faith-based charity groups should be supported in every way possible, including through public funds. I don’t think cutting taxes for the sake of cutting taxes is good, but neither do I think that money will solve the ills of the various groups that keep asking for more. I support the idea that everyone ought to be able to see a doctor when they need to without worrying about the cost, but I don’t think that as a society we can afford to foot the bill for that. And as far as gay marriage, well, why did we ever give government the right to have any voice in marriage to begin with?

So here is the point I am at now, and I know this is nothing new but I think it bears repeating, at least to myself: the government will never be able to solve moral problems. That’s the church’s job. We will never, for example, stop abortions by making them illegal. But the church could do a better job of teaching about the sacredness of life and supporting pregnant mothers and encouraging adoption. This is one of many areas where the church has given up its voice to the government, asking the politicians to do the work of the saints and then bemoaned them for their involvement. I guess what it comes down to is that I am separating the issues into two categories: that of moral imperatives and that of political preferences (or, if you are feeling more dogmatic, political imperatives). I realize this break down is not perfect, but I think it more or less works. Those things which my convictions, my faith, my belief that Christ came and will come again tells me are right or wrong, these are moral imperatives. If by way of happenstance or luck the government supports these convictions, great. But the energy I put into these issues is best channeled through the church. The category of political preferences, those things which I feel are best for me and for you and for the country but that stop short of being morally binding holds the issues that most influence my vote. Again, this is a hard line to draw and there will be some cross-over, but it’s where my thinking is at right now.

I guess that’s all I’ve got for now.

700 Billion

2008-09-25T09:25:00.000-07:00

I stole this from Bob's Twitter thingy. It's a profound point so I thought I would put it here too:

"Price to save Wall Street: $700 billion Price to save 6 million of the poorest children: $5 billion Odds we'll do the more important one..."

Something to think about.

Revenge of the Big Dumb Puppy

2008-09-16T09:10:00.000-07:00

So I was in the kid's room at church again, like a ink blotch of testosterone on an estrogen filled page. In the room with me was the same child I mentioned in the previous "Big Dumb Puppy" blog as the one whose snotty nose I wiped for her. I tell you, I never though snot could bring people together like this. I walked in, she gave me the biggest smile, and this formerly shy little girl played and talked with me until her adult came to get her. When she left she waved and smiled. God is so nice to me sometimes.

NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2008-09-11T16:56:00.000-07:00

I lost part of my final paper!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I knew graduation was a myth.

Take Back the Pulpit!

2008-09-11T10:55:00.000-07:00

On September 26th, in an event supported by the Alliance Defense Fund, pastors around the country will intentionally preach a partisan, political sermon from the pulpit, thereby putting their church in jeopardy of losing their 501c3 status. The IRS requires that churches, in order to remain as tax-exempt non-profits, refrain from support of any candidate above another and it limits what can be said about ballot measures and the like. So on September 26th various pastors will be challenging that law by supporting one presidential candidate over the other and encouraging their congregants to vote for said candidate (there were no specifics as to which candidate that would be).

For my part, I do believe that “separation of church and state” is more often than not misused and churches are unfairly discriminated against. I also feel that pastors should absolutely have the right to preach in favor of one candidate over another and to speak about the moral ramifications of secular laws and the biblical principles that should guide our voting, I just think they should proceed with caution and discretion when exercising that right.

The missionary Jordan Grooms said, “If God called you to be a missionary, don’t stoop to be a king.” His words are apropos for all pastors and those within the spheres of influence in ecclesiastical circles, especially in an election year. The essence of Grooms statement is that politics, political change, just and right laws, while good, are also temporal. No matter how good of a leader we have in office, no matter how right and needed the legislation, it can not bring heart change, sanctification, or salvation. If you want to devote your time and energy to something really worthwhile, devote it to something eternal, devote it to the mission of Jesus.
If, as sometimes happens, the worlds of government and church intersect and create an occasion in which truth needs to be spoken, then by all means the church should step up to the challenge, as it has done in the past with issues such as women’s rights, racism, and poverty, whose impetus for change in each case began with faith. But the focus of the church’s message, always, must be Christ and him crucified and raised; this is the beginning of justice, hope, and change.

We do need to take back the pulpit, but it’s not the IRS that stole it from us. Nobody stole it, we just lost it. In place of biblical preaching we have self-help seminars on one end (thanks for the advice, Osteen!) and political rallies on the other (Pat Robertson for President!). In our day and age there are various means of communication open to us (you are reading one of them right now) and as citizens of this country we should use them as we see fit. But the pulpit, and the call to pastor, is sacred and should not be used to promote our political preferences, no matter how strongly we feel about them. If you have been called to be a pastor, do not stoop to be a politician.

Annoying woman GO AWAY!

2008-09-08T11:12:00.000-07:00

I'm sitting in the computer lab at the Western Seminary library, working on my final paper. In comes a woman in sun glasses (still wearing them) to look at her email and TALK ON THE PHONE TO HER FRIEND ABOUT THE EMOTIONAL LIMITATIONS OF HER FATHER! I am having an internal struggle about whether or not to tell her to shut up or not. Here's the really beautiful thing about it: She sat down right next to me, looked over at me and said into the phone "no, I can talk." AMAZING!

30 Days in Prison and $1000 Fine. Crap.

2008-09-04T12:15:00.000-07:00

I have always been a history buff; in particular I enjoy experiencing the places where history took place. I like walking in the footsteps of those who were there before me and I like to try and take my mind back to historical moments. I went on a bit of a historical misadventure the other day, seeking the opportunity to do all that I had just described, but when I did so I went to a very scary, sad place.

While searching for abandoned historical buildings on the internet (AWSOME places to explore and search for ‘treasure’) I came across a place in Salem call the Fairview Training Center, which had been abandoned since 2000. Since its construction in 1908 as the “Oregon State Institute for the Feeble Minded” it has held many thousands of Oregonians, beginning with 39 adults and children transferred there from the Insane Asylum (yes, that was what it was called). There were several reasons why exploring this place was of interest to me besides the wicked cool buildings that still (barely) stand there. First, as someone who works with the chronically mentally ill, I spend a lot of time and energy contemplating the best ways to interact, treat, and love people with severe mental illness. While I didn’t expect to find any good ideas at Fairview, I believe in the adage that in order to know where we want to go we have to know where we have been. The second reason I wanted to explore this place was that Fairview was pretty equal-opportunity in its incarceration of individuals with brain troubles. It wasn’t just the mentally ill that lived there, there was also the developmentally disabled and epileptics (the term they used when it was first built was “children with idiocy”). You see, had I been born in a slightly different time period, a time that wasn’t privy to the neurological know-how and medication we have now, I could have ended up there.

A former patient explains: "My parents took me out to Fairview and it's like a gateway to hell opened up." In fact, stories of abuse and mistreatment, murder and rape, abound from Fairview. People went missing on a fairly regular basis, either because they ran away and were never seen again, or because they died and were buried somewhere that no one can remember. Others were never buried; they drowned in wells and decomposed there. Like any such place, Fairview is rumored to be haunted, blood running down the walls, mysterious people walking across the grounds, that sort of thing. Personally, my bet is that the latter are just trespassers such as me and my friend.

General consensus of the time was that individuals with mental illness and brain disorders were basically a waste; they weren’t capable of learning, they weren’t aware of their environment, and they weren’t able to give or respond to love and kindness. Sadly, there are many who still hold this view. In fact, I would say that the view is still rather prevalent, only in a muted form. No entertainer with any common sense would make a comedy about an AIDS patient and the humorous way he or she goes about taking her drug cocktail, but we make jokes about mental illness all the time. The Oregon State Hospital is another example of this muted contempt for the mentally ill. It is simply NOT an environment in which most people will be able to get better or progress towards health, but as a society we value it not for its therapeutic function but for its containment function. Now, I’m not a prude, I make crazy jokes just like everybody else, but it’s because people are funny, humanity is amusing, not mental illness.

So anyway, the grounds of Fairview, as they stand today, were equal parts fascinating and sad. I climbed up (and slid back down-fun) what I presume to be a laundry shoot. Inside some of the dormitory (?) building were what looked like cages, though they supposedly stopped using those in the 1980’s. Some of the original buildings were absolutely beautiful, but they are also falling apart. I wanted so badly to get inside, and I could have, but not in a quiet or inconspicuous manner so I thought better of it.

As my friend were making our way toward an actual open door (awesome!) we were stopped by security (lame!) and told about how they were prosecuting and all that jazz. He mentioned also that the Navy was training there with dogs and live ammunition, but I don’t believe him. We managed to get off with a dirty look and an order to leave, which is good because trespassing there is a Class C Misdemeanor with the above mentioned punishments (see blog title). I am still fascinated by the place, and I will be back.

I tried to add pictures, but I'm not that smart.

Who's in my Bed?

2008-09-03T09:20:00.000-07:00

9:30pm: In bed early, oh happy day. Total bed occupancy (TBA): 2

10:00pm: Cats finish eating, cat #1 comes upstairs to sleep on my head. TBA: 3

10:30pm: Cat #2 joins cat #1, TBA: 4

10:31pm: Cat #1 upset at cat #2’s presence, fight ensues on top of my chest,
TBA: 3

11:30pm: Cat #1 apparently sound asleep or just over herself, allows cat #2
to sleep at the foot fo the bed. TBA: 4

12:30am: Cat #1 and cat #2 are done napping and now grooming…loudly.
I remove both from the bedroom. TBA: 2

3:00am: The baby is crying. I give her a few minutes to calm herself and go
back to sleep but it doesn’t work. I go into her room, sing sweet songs and rub her back. TBA: 1

3:15am: Baby is sleeping again. I return to bed and realize the cats have returned, and this time cat #3 has joined them. My pillow is a complete loss, the blanket has been commandeered. I grab a separate blanket and lay at an odd angle and go back to sleep. TBA: 5

3:50am: Baby is awake again. Cat #3, realizing that she is too fat to safely remain as high as the bed gets down. I go back into the baby’s room. Cat #2 follows me. TBA: 2

4:00am: Too tired to worry about her staying in her own bed any longer I take the baby back to bed with me. Cat #2 continues to follow. Cat #3 has decided comfort is more important than safety and returns to the bed. Cat #1 has reclaimed the pillow. Baby sleeps in the middle. I take up a fetal position, which is the only way I fit onto the bed. I feel like I’m in a John Denver song. TBA: 6

5:00am: Not sleeping anyway I get up. Cats #1, 2, and 3 all follow. Baby and wife stay in bed. John Denver symbolism continues. TBA: unknown at this time.

Church Planting Stalkers

2008-08-28T16:58:00.000-07:00

I just read this book about church planting, slightly outdated, but I thought it would be a good place to start. The author made several suggestions. Some of his ideas regarding the new comers:

1. They should be greeted and invited to a home group at least 4-5 times before they ever find their seat in the sanctuary,
2. Everyone needs to be given name tags, and
3. They should receive a phone call from the pastor on Sunday afternoon, a “porch” visit later that day from a member of the church, a personal thank you from the pastor by midweek, and a church newsletter by Friday.

Welcome to First Christian Church of Stalker. Seriously, God MUST exist if the church has survived this long.

The Final Paper

2008-08-25T10:43:00.000-07:00

As a good many of you know, part of the graduation requirements at Western include writing a final paper. I am so late in getting this done that they probably won't accept it anymore, but never-the-less I am holding out hope. The trouble is, this is turning out ot be one of the more difficult papers I have written and I am not sure why. I've decided to start posting parts of it as I write so that I can get some feedback. Here is the first two pages or so.

How I Got to be This Way

"An Unexamined Life is not worth living."

- Socrates

How did I get here? How did my life become like this? I have not always been this way. Of course, at any given point in my life I could ask those questions and make that same statement, for I am somewhat different everyday. But at least, up until recently, I have always been like me. But now, now things are different; I can feel my story changing.
I suppose that before I say how my story is changing, I ought to mention how the story has gone so far. I’m going to skip the first few chapters, because it’s mainly me being a loner and a momma’s boy and I come off bad in it. Instead, I’ll begin when I first began to realize there was a story in the first place, and not only that, but that I was a character in it. This first happened in those tumultuous, terrible, and torturous years of high school. I had just spent several years in middle school, trying to become invincible, and failing that, invisible, all in an effort to avoid the cruelty that so often befell my classmates who had been thrown to the mercy of their merciless peers. By the end of the eighth grade I had been largely successful, but my victory was short-lived; high school has a way of making any good thing feel short-lived. With about a billion zits on my face, an awkward hair style, and all the courage of a beaten puppy I approached the ninth grade with a new awareness of my need for a savior. There was nothing noble or righteous about my first feeble attempts to find God. At my best I was curious, and most of the time I was simply desperate.
I searched for God at my church, a group of Lutherans trying their best to be happy in spite of their Lutheranness. I learned from them that ignoring evil, as this group was apt to do, doesn’t make it go away, nor does ritual without meaning bring any goodness or grace. I searched for God amongst the Mormons, joining them in their studies and in their activities and in their homes. I learned from them that calling everything else evil does not bring to you more good and I became convinced that my “Heavenly Father’s Plan” for me must include more than avoiding R-rated movies and staying away from caffeine. I searched for God in myself, where so many people have claimed to find him, and I found that he wasn’t there; nothing was there. I searched for God, but I didn’t find him and I never have, and I suspect I never will. That first time, and every time since, God found me. That was cliché, I know, but clichés can be true. Had I designed the encounter it would have been different-grander, filled with beauty, that sort of thing. But my encounter with the divine was so ordinary and unexpected that I didn’t even know it was happening.

"Love People. Love the potential that lies in them even more."

- Jim Putman, author, mega church pastor, used to be my youth minister

God came in the form of a wrestling coach with a neck the same size as my waist. The rest of him, his body, his voice, his demeanor, fit quite well proportionally with his waist-sized neck; he was kind of like a car accident-so frightening that you feel compelled to look away but for some reason you slow down to ogle anyway. It never crossed my mind that this man could end up as a mentor to me in that season of my life; at the time I wasn’t even sure that I could speak to him. But what I didn’t realize is that God was in him.
I have subsequently learned that the wise thing to do is to look for God in every person I interact with and every occasion I find myself in. That sounded a little cliché too, but I am certain that one is true. In fact, it is almost a pillar in my philosophy of counseling and ministry. I believe that everyone, every single person, has inside themselves the image of their creator, striving and struggling to break through and reveal itself. Time and again God humbles me by allowing me a glimpse of Himself where I least expect it-in the tears of an oppositional, defiant child, in the clingy behavior of his dependent mother, even in the delusions of a profoundly mentally ill man who just talked to Jesus the night before. Or, in this case, in a big-necked, national champion, all-American wrestling coach, who also happened to be a youth pastor and years later would articulate a statement that, in its context, was one of the most powerful I have ever heard: “I don’t care about wrestling, I care about you.”
Jim introduced me to a God that was quite different from the one I had been told about as a child in Sunday school. Whereas that God was afraid of evil and thus could only talk about good, happy thoughts, the God Jim told me about hated evil as much as he loved me. He didn’t set up simple, arbitrary rules to combat evil, he died to defeat it, and in dying-and raising-he defied death itself. This was the God who would one day crush evil beneath his feet. And he wanted me to help.
I spent the next several years watching the people around me suffer, and in my own ways I suffered along side them. I watched many of my peers make stupid, stupid decisions, sometimes because they were ignorant or ill-informed, often times because they desperately wanted to fit in. I watched still others endure the consequences of someone else’s stupid decision. Like my classmates I spent a lot of time in high school wondering when I was ever going to use this “in real life.” Well, here’s the real life lesson: young people spend way too much time and waste way too much energy simply trying to survive, and they need someone to help them be more than what the world has convinced them they are.

Big Dumb Puppy

2008-08-18T11:38:00.000-07:00

Bear with me for a moment, I need to complain. But before that I want to gloat just a bit. Yesterday at church I was working in the children's room. As far as I can tell I am the only male at Hawthorne who is in there, at least on a regular basis (last three weeks in a row and I think next week). We had some new kids yesterday and the week before that, ranging in age from 3 to 10 years. I talked to all of them (thus begins the gloating). All of them (excpet for one kid, who was really loud and, um, spirited) were timid and shy and reluctant to participate. I can relate! I am timid and shy and reluctant to participate and when I was their age I would have RUN AWAY rather than be put in a kid's room with people I didn't know. So, I gently, carefully, thoughtfully eased my way into their little protective bubbles and by the end of our time they were participating. I was really pleased that they felt comfortable enough to particpate and proud that I was able to help them feel that way.

And now the complaint. As I mentioned, I am the only male over 7 years old who is in there on a regular basis. When the gathering was over and all the mommies came to pick up their children, each and every one of them either looked at me a bit oddly or simply not at all, and this is when I was still playing with their children. Clearly I am working with their wee one, and yet they seek out the closest woman to ask how it went and to thank them for their hard work and yada yada. Hello! Do you see me?! I'm the one with your child! I even wiped snot off of one of their little noses!

Ok, as I have admitted before, I tend to be a bit sensitive about some things, this being one of them. But really, it's not as if I don't have good reason. There is a paper towel commercial that I see every now and then that is clearly aimed for the lady of the house, sympathizing with her about how she has to clean up after her kids and lamenting that husband's do such horrible work that the wife must inevitably come behind him and reclean.

I have more examples, but I know that complaining gets old so I'll stop (in a minute). Ladies, do not assume that we (guys) are big, dumb puppies when it comes to children and house work; and when we do a good job, as we (and you) should be expected to do, please don't act like we're dancing poodles.

Ok, I'm done. You can bring your kid over now-I'll watch him for you.

Mega Church = Mega Trouble

2008-08-13T16:55:00.000-07:00

Before coming to Evergreen I was a part of a very large church in Damascus. After my normal introvert warming up period I became very involved in the youth ministry, helping to lead the jr. high group for a time as well as teaching two youth classes and attended various special events. There were well over 100 youth in the church and over 1000 adults, so it was a pretty big church. And I didn’t know hardly anyone over age 16 (and that’s just not healthy). Since we jumped ship for Evergreen the church has continued to grow and now has a separate “video venue” campus and multiple thousands in attendance-it’s a mega church.

When I was in high school I attended what I considered a large youth group of about 80. The size of the youth group was all that much more impressive since the whole church, counting the youth, had maybe 150 people. After five years at the church the youth minister moved on to plant a new church in Idaho. Starting with 50 people, they now have 5 campuses in three states and number around 10,000. This man was a spiritual mentor to me, a father figure in many ways, and now he is untouchable. There is no contact information, as he is a celebrity of sorts, and even if there was I doubt he would return my contact. A professor of mine from college, also a spiritual mentor to me and a major influence in my life, joined the staff there several years ago-never to be heard from again.

I have been trying to adopt the position that if someone is happy in their mega church and they are growing and serving, then bully for them-it’s just not my way. Right now I’m thinking a little more dogmatically, that mega churches just suck. As I was once again attempting to discover a way to contact these once important people in my life I came across a site badmouthing my former youth pastor. I have no doubt that this WOULD NOT have happened had he managed to start a small church that started other small churches-there is simply no reason to create an anti-my former pastor site if he is the pastor of a small church, no one cares how much you hate him. But if you screw up or piss someone off as a mega church pastor you bring trouble on the whole lot of us.

So for right now, mega churches suck.

All Grown Up and Still Waiting to be a Rock Star

2008-08-12T14:05:00.000-07:00

Early yesterday evening, as I had the house all to myself and was preparing for some mindless exploration on my ultra-slow internet, my phone began to ring. Rudely breaking my connection to aforementioned internet. As my introvert self tends to do I ignored the call. My annoyance with the called changed to excitement when I heard the voice of my friend Kathryn on the other end. I hardly ever get to see her, and true to form she gave us a call letting us know she was in town for one night and one night only. We met when we both lived in Boise; she now lives in San Diego and we of course live in Portland. Prior to San Diego Katy spent a year in China, and after San Diego, well, who knows where she’ll go next. She is working on her second bachelor’s degree, dates weird pagans and thinks she might want to be a nutritionist (a vegan nutritionist-that’s hardcore). She goes backpacking with people from Belgium and surfs almost every day. Such is the life of those who refuse to grow up (I saw that with envy and admiration-not insult).

My life is a bit different these days. I worry about the mortgage every day. I rearrange my schedule for childcare purposes, and a good day is one that ends by 9:30. I spend the vast majority of my day sitting in front of a computer and I’m getting fat. To top it off I am undergoing a pre-midlife crisis. Still….
Yesterday my daughter, complete with Pippy Longstocking pigtails, Marion berry smears on her cheeks and a big grin, said “Hi Daddy” and ran up to me and hugged my legs. It’s worth it.

Why Does it Randomly Look Funny?

2008-08-09T11:33:00.003-07:00

Stupid googlepages! Why do you hate me?!

It's About the People, Stupid

2008-08-09T11:29:00.000-07:00

The other day I went to see my niece perform a role in “High School Musical” for the local children’s theatre. Children are terrible actors-we applaud anyway.

The show took place at my old high school in the auditorium that was built in the 1930’s. There is a new high school building now, with a new auditorium that is in every way nicer and more pleasant to sit in than the one we were in. Never-the-less, I found myself reminiscing and generating warm fuzzies for my old school (goes to show you how good the brain is at blocking out trauma). I remember watching many a school play in that large, amazingly hot room. I remember goofing around in there and hiding in there and debating many existential, political, theological, and personal ideas and issues, not to mention the day-to-day drama that was high school. My junior year I was friends with this really gorgeous girl. We had no romantic interest in each other whatsoever, but we did like to hang out from time to time. One night, neither of us having anything better to do, we went to a school production of something or other. She made a point of walking arm in arm with me, thus raising my social status dramatically and causing rumors that we both enjoyed. I went on my first official date with my wife there. We sat in the back and watched “Little Women.” It took my almost the entire play to get the courage to hold her hand. Sometime in my junior or senior year I was anxious to leave a crowded show; all the old people were taking their time. Rather than wait I decided to hop over the isles of wooden chairs. One of the chairs folded in on me and I managed to make a fool of myself, made all that much worse as a self-conscience high schooler. You would think I would have learned my lesson, but I went home from my niece’s performance with a scrape on my left ankle and a nasty bruise and scrape on my right shin.

There’s really nothing all that special about that auditorium. In fact, it’s really a nasty place. But the memories, the shared experiences, the emotions, insights, and revelations that happened there, these make it a special, almost sacred place to me. I can only imagine what it must be like for those that went to school there when the place was new (or newer). Places, things, these are nothing and they will cease to exist one day. But people, our connections to one another, these are lasting and transformational.

When I went to the middle east I went into a cave. It was dark and dingy and a little bit smelly. It was nothing, nothing but a cave that once house animals who pooped in it. And yet all I could do was stand there, trying to grasp where I was and what it was I was doing. The cave was nothing, but the man born in it some 2000 years ago, he is everything. At that moment I joined the millions (I’m guessing) who have walked through it, both emperors and peasants, believers and mere tourists, a community of pilgrims. The place was nothing, the people were everything.

So too with the church. I flinch every time I see someone place irrational value on some object in a church, whether a bible or a pulpit or a pew or whatever. So often part of this irrational elevation of objects includes keeping people away from it or keeping people quiet in it. Every time this happens any sacredness that was there is diminished because it is not the place, it is not the thing, it is the people. God did not make a cave or a book or a building in his own image, he reserved that sacred honor for us.

25 Theses

2008-08-08T11:30:00.000-07:00

I have been working on these for several days, and I will continue to work on them, well, forever. As a relative newbie to the emergent mindset/theology/lifestyle I have yet to formulate any real concrete opinions specific to the emergent church; this is my attempt to do that. I certainly haven’t created anything new here, though I have made a point of staying away from similar material until I made my own, so it’s new for me. I have alternated between the terms “American church” and “contemporary church” since I haven’t decided which I think is more accurate. This is somewhat antagonist/defensive, but that’s just because of the genre. Anyway, here it is:

1. The American church, as well as the church in other industrialized nations, that is, the contemporary church, has relegated “church” to a place, a building, a weekly event, something that one ‘goes to.’ The emerging church, that is, the church that is emerging post-Evangelicalism into a postmodern culture, is to be understood as a community of people, the called out ones, those who have chosen to live life in the way of Jesus, including repentance (the turning away of sin) and faith and lifestyle.

2. The American or contemporary church has formed into an exclusive club, having set up artificial and subjective guidelines as how one becomes a member, believing that one has “made it” once membership is achieved and no more growth is necessary. The emerging church must tear down all barriers that scripture itself does not set up, including “membership” of the church. People are participants in the community, to one degree or another.

3. The American church has failed to recognize the social injustices that concern Jesus. The church has concerned itself with not appearing “too liberal” and with propagating itself and neglected the weightier concerns of Christ, to the detriment of society and the image of the Body of Christ within society. As the largest volunteer organization in the world, with access to abundant resources, the church must show its faith through action, caring for widows and orphans, the oppressed, the poor and needy, and the persecuted (of all races and creeds and religions).

4. While much of the church, commonly the conservative, fundamentalist, or Evangelical church, has neglected caring for the society in which it finds itself, another segment of the church, commonly the mainline denominations, have neglected the proclamation of the whole gospel, focusing instead only on what is pleasant to hear and/or promotes their cause. The emerging church must cling to the truth of scripture, to the proclamation of the death, atonement, and resurrection of Jesus, and to salvation through the same.

5. The church has become irrelevant to the people, speaking of and proclaiming that which is of little or no significance to those seeking truth and edification. Further, the church has sinned in trying to gain more members by becoming less like itself and more like the world around it, or it has ignored the people and separated itself, and in so doing has failed to engage in the mission of Jesus. The emerging church must be organic, coming out of the culture rather than forcing itself into it, serving as a visible, valuable, and contributing part of the culture and society from which it stemmed, even while remaining distinct in its ultimate vision, goal, and motivation.

6. The leaders of the church have failed to teach the Body of Christ and as a result the people are largely ignorant of scripture, ignorant of theology, ignorant of the things of Christ, and ignorant of the character of God. The leaders of the church have relied not on God and the bible but on programs and gimmicks; they have focused on growth in numbers above growth on people. The emerging church must teach people where they are with the expectation and plan that they will not stay there. The emerging church must focus on the growth within the individual, not the growth of individual people in the pews.

7. The church has sinned in its elevation of individuals, organizations, and programs above Jesus and the gospel. Too often has a group of believers disintegrated when their leader left, because they were led by a man and not by God. Too often are gift ignored and left to rot because they don’t mesh with the leader. The emerging church must seek to empower all who are willing with the skills needed to lead; let no person hold to any teaching or community as if it was actually his, let the 80/20 rule be shattered as individuals become participants in their community.

8. The contemporary church, if not viewing the leader as a celebrity, views him or her as an employee, the one paid to do all the work of the church and to please and entertain the masses in the pews. The emerging church must take seriously the priesthood of all believers, knowing that some are set apart so that they may be freed up to do the work of the ministry full time but that none are exempt from doing ministry as far and as often as they are able.

9. The church has come to have a bad reputation amongst non-believers. It is seen as judgmental, oppressive, interfering, dangerous, and hypocritical; the term “evangelical” has come to take on more political than ecclesiastical connotations The emerging church, through its commitment to social justice, to the welfare of those in the community, to the welfare of those in the larger community, and through its welcome to all people, regardless of where they are in faith and life, must come to be known as scripture calls upon the people of God to be known, by their love.

10. The American church, in particular the more vocal and more “right wing” parts of the church, has neglected the proclamation of the gospel for the proclamation of political doctrines. While the emerging church recognizes that our convictions will inform our politics, and that life in the way of Jesus cannot exclude any element of life, including politics, it knows that the mission of the church is to reveal Christ, not create to legislation.

11. Worship is, in large part, service-service to God and service to others. But the term “service,” as related to the church, has come to be known as an event in which the masses come to be served and “fed.” Understanding the power of words to convey meaning, the emergent church adopts the term “gathering” to more rightly reflect what is taking place: the gathering of participants in the community of faith for worship, prayer, teaching, and fellowship.

12. The contemporary church is fractured into denominations, often competing and bickering with one another, each one knowing little about the other and many claiming to be the only one that is right. The emerging church must seek to remove the barrier of denominations, choosing instead friendship, cooperation and dialog with brothers and sisters of all denominations, knowing that we can learn much from each other and together we can further the kingdom with greater speed, skill, and effectiveness than if we go it alone. We recognize that both as faith communities and as individuals we have the freedom in Christ to disagree and the obligation to remain connected.

13. While the American church has created the phenomenon of the mega-church, the emerging church sees this as essentially dehumanizing and a poor model for how to bring healing, equipping, and edification to believers. It is artificial in that they use the semantics of community but function as a corporation. They do not plant new churches but rather grow themselves and in so doing reveal a major failing in their missional mandate. We recognize that there are exceptions to the above statements, but that overall communities function best when they are small, when people have a chance to know one another’s stories, and when they feel close to their leader.

14. Mega-churches seek to grow themselves; emerging churches, recognizing that new churches are historically better at reaching people, seek to create new churches so that the kingdom of God my grow demographically, geographically, numerically, and spiritually. We do not wish to make carbon copies, but instead allow each new gathering of believers to take on an identity of its own.

15. The polity of the American church is one of top-down leadership, whether explicitly or functionally, by design or default. The masses come to watch and be led, the leaders come to work and grow their followers. The emerging church must seek out the leadership potential in each believer, discipling them to become biblically qualified leaders. Rather than searching from without the emerging church must build leaders from within.

16. The contemporary church assigns importance and influence based on non-biblical criteria, including one’s position in the secular world, pedigree, wealth, political agenda, and even intimidation. The emerging church must recognize those who live according to the biblilcal standards of an elder and do the work of an elder, recognizing them as elders.

17. While the contemporary church as access to an abundance of resources, the people remain stingy, placing the funding of themselves above the funding of the work of God and neglecting the tradition of the people of God in being generous. The emergent church must fund the work of the community generously, seeing that doing so is both God-serving and self-serving. Moreover the people must be generous with each other, clinging to nothing as their own exclusive possession.

18. The contemporary church has long focused on fact based, bullet point style teaching, expecting right knowledge to lead to right behavior but never getting the results they hoped for. The emergent church must recognize the value of narrative and experience, informing each other’s stories and telling the story of God and experiencing transforming relationship with God and his people.

19. Scripture and the Spirit have influenced and informed art from the beginning of time, yet the contemporary church has neglected the use of: design, painting, drama, dance, poetry, in worship. The emerging church must embrace and encourage the artistic gifts God gives to his people and utilize them for fuller, more complete worship.

20. Every church and denomination has traditions; the American church has either rejected tradition outright or clung to it irrationally. The emerging church must value the writings, prayers, and traditions of those who came before us, learning from them and applying them to daily life, submitting them to the authority of scripture, setting aside (though not rejecting) that which is no longer relevant, and maintaining a familial link to our predecessors.

21. The contemporary church has separated itself from culture, vilified that which does not come from them, and propagated a tired and useless “us verses them” mentality. The emerging church must recognize that it is not “us verses them,” but rather “us and them,” thus maintaining our distinction but remaining open to learning from one another and working toward a common good. We recognize it as sin to not cultivate real relationships outside of the church as well as inside.

22. Of the course of many, many years, the contemporary church has whittled away communion, that is, the gathering together at the Lord’s Supper. It has become only a bite of bread or cracker and a sip of wine or juice, often taken thoughtlessly if at all. While the emerging church must continue to recognize the value of these symbols and participate in the partaking, so too must it recognize that communion has always included fellowship and sharing in each other’s stories.

23. The American church has maintained artificial distinctions between the genders which are no longer relevant or useful in today’s society. While recognizing that there are certain distinctions, the emerging church must move toward an egalitarian position.

24. The American church has largely neglected the children and youth, viewing them as the “church of tomorrow” when they are in fact the church of today. They have substituted entertainment for teaching and games for ministry. The have failed to allow the young people to go through the necessary developmental stages and search out their own faith. The emerging church must recognize that children and youth are valuable, contributing members to the work of God, worthy of ministry and capable of the same.

25. The contemporary church is satisfied that the work of theology is done, that there is no thinking left to do. The emerging church must continue the work of the Reformation, fleshing out for today’s culture and society sola scriptura, sola fide, sola gratia, Solus Christus, and soli Deo Gloria. We must view these not as a history lesson but as a current plea.

Here I stand. God help me.

C'Mon Joel! Get That Wife to Submit!

2008-08-07T09:40:00.001-07:00

Oh my goodness. I guess this happened some time ago, but it's really all hitting the fan now. According to accusations and a report by the FAA, Victoria Osteen, Joel's wife and co-pastor of Lakewood Church, assualted a flight attendent on Colorado flight prior to takeoff by slamming her against a wall and elbowing her in her left breast because she was not satisfied with the manner in which a stain from a spilled drink was cleaned off her seat. Some of the reports I read quoted other passengers describing her as a diva and "abusive." The flight attended asked to have the Osteens (well, Victoria at least) removed from the plane, though a church spokesperson said they left voluntarily and that it was "a mutual thing." All in all the flight was delayed for about 2 hours. Victoria was fined $3,000 by the FAA for "interfering with a crew member." Do you suppose that can be a tax write off?

The poor flight attended is now suing Vicki for 10 percent of her net worth (don't know how much that is. I really wanted to wag my finger at the Osteen's for this, but I'm going to need two wagging fingers now. The flight attendent "claims that she suffers from anxiety and hemorrhoids because of the incident and said her faith was affected. She is also suing Osteen for medical expenses for counseling." Hemorroids? Really? I would think that as a flight attendent she would work with jerks on a regular basis-not that it's ok, but seriously, grow up. And Joel, get her under control, she's embarassing us.

Three-Headed Snakes and Other Good Goals

2008-08-06T11:34:00.000-07:00

I’m starting to narrow down the tattoo I want on my right arm (not that this is particularly relevant since the big money for case management won’t start rolling in for a while). At the top of my short list is a three headed snake. I think it will complement the dragon nicely. The three heads are of course symbolic, in this case they are symbolic of my three main goals in life; these are very broad goals, many things could fit under each category.

My first goal is to love. I want to love God with all my heart, mind, and soul. I find this daunting, and I challenge anyone who doesn’t. “Heart, mind, and soul” is basically symbolic, representing the whole of one’s being. No compartmentalizing, only holistic, unhindered love. I don’t do it, but this is my goal.

I want to love my family. Despite my many foibles and failings, I really, truly, really want to be a better father and a better husband every day. I want to love them more deeply every day. I want to submit and support, lead and guide, follow and encourage.

I want to love my friends. I want to be a support, I want to build up, I want to cheer on. I want to know and be known in a personal, transparent way that opens me up and opens them up to compliments and critique, accolades and accountability.

I want to love others. I want to show compassion, empathy, and aid to those who need it. I want to be a safe place for people in a dangerous world. I want to figure out what it means to be incarnational.

I want to love my enemies. I want to not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good (this is a hard one for me, I’m pretty vengeful). I want them to be so surprised, so taken aback, so shocked by my love in the face of their, well, enemyness, that the seeds of revolution will be planted in their heart.

My first goal is love. My second goal is life. There is so much to see, so much to do, so much to experience. There are so many blessings to give and receive and I don’t want to miss it. I don’t want to look back on anything with regret, I don’t want to wish I had been brave or bold. This is difficult for me as I am pretty much always shy and sometimes cowardly. I am frustrated by the human tendency to get stuck doing things a certain way because they have always been done that way or to think that something can’t be done simply because it has never been done before. When St. Peter meets me at the pearly gates and introduces me to my first angel, and that angel asks me, “So, what is life like?” I want to have a good answer.

My first goal is love, my second is life. My third goal is to leave a legacy. Our lives are but mist, or the equivalent of the blink of an eye in all of time. We will not be around very long and we will not be remembered. Almost everything we do, even the most powerful and influential of us, fades away into meaninglessness and is without consequence. Almost. Some people live their whole lives like this and simply don’t care and it drives me insane. I want to leave a legacy; I want the time allotted to me to result in more than consumed resources and over-populating offspring. I want said offspring to know me, to now their history through me. I want lives and subsequent generations to be different because I was involved. I want to help people heal and be transformed now and after I meet that angel. Lofty and perhaps a little arrogant? Yeah, probably, but also doable.

So that is what the three heads on my three-headed snake are going to mean, and hopefully that is what my life will mean. I’m not sure where the tattoo itself fits into the grand scheme of these goals, but it fits somewhere.

Community is Hard

2008-08-05T10:53:00.000-07:00

Jenny, India and I were able to be a part of Evergreen’s first “combined gathering” the other day. We didn’t get to hear any of the teaching as we were with the kids, but I assume it was brilliant. The house was rather brilliant too; I covet it now and am plotting ways to make it my own. While we were working with the children someone had the idea that we should read a story about baptism to all the wee ones so that they might understand a little bit better what was going on (incidentally, I wrote about baptism on my theology blog-I can’t remember if what was any good). I thought the baptism story was an excellent idea, but as it turns out our little book didn’t have any stories about baptism so I was left to tell the story of Jesus being baptized by John and hope I didn’t mess up lest hellfire and brimstone rain down. I’m pretty sure I didn’t mess up. When I got to the part about the Holy Spirit descending on Jesus one small child, for whatever reason, thrust his shark toy into the air prompting Jenny to add “in the form of a shark.” I denounced her as a heretic and was ready to continue the story but my momentum was gone so we just let it sit. I think they learned something.

I was really quite comfortable, if a little bit worn out, working with the children. It was the lunch afterword with everybody that was difficult. India, my little extraverted, unencumbered, uninhibited, totally independent daughter went everywhere and talked to many a person while my lunch lay lingering in the grass unappreciated and uneaten. Victoria graciously agreed to watch her for a while, but that lasted about ten minutes (I can’t blame the kid, it’s just that I was so looking forward to finishing my hot dog while it was warm). So off we went again, India talking to everybody, hitting a few of them, and me being my little introverted self. I am an introvert, which means I hate people. Ok, no it doesn’t, but one of the implications IS that I am not all giddy about being in a big group and I am not naturally inclined to seek out someone to talk to. I LOVE the idea of community, love it, love it, love it-I just can’t seem to DO it.

We are not meant to go it alone-even I don’t want to be completely alone. God is in community with himself (that whole Trinity thing) which leads me to believe that part of our desire for relationships is based on that image of God inside of us, the image of the inherently relational God, desiring to be with others. The church that Jesus built began as community-11 men and their ladies (or whatever) began as a community. It grew as a community. Evangelicalism has talked about community forever, but they haven’t gotten over the prevailing culture of privacy, independence, and consumerism; and I know that part of what makes Evergreen work, part of that something that I can’t quite put a finger on, is that there is authentic community.

Now I just have to try and be a part of it. Part of the problem is that I just can’t believe that anyone actually cares to have me; it’s this prevailing thought in my head, a voice that keeps whispering to me every time I try to approach someone. So I find a clever way to overcome it-I use my kid. She’s cute, she evokes smiles, and she’s a total chic magnet. Seriously, if I rely on her too much I find myself in the house with the girls talking about weddings and learning how to crochet while the men-folk are outside engaging in the macho sport of wiffle ball.

So I decide to be brave. I will leave the living room and venture to the yard and take my turn at bat. Out of five throws I manage to hit one, but it doesn’t roll very far. The eleven year old is better than me. Traumatic moments of middle school are rushing into my head. The people I am with this time are certainly nicer than middle-schoolers, but they look no less disappointed. Maybe I’ll go back and sit with the girls. Part of my brain realizes that all of the above is not nearly so dramatic in real life, but the other part really isn’t pleased with me for challenging its reality, but I digress…

Right after the Evergreen potluck (I did finally get to eat some food) we went to another potluck with some in-laws. I felt more-or-less comfortable there. I didn’t say much, but I’m the guy who doesn’t say much so it wasn’t a big deal. People asked about work and I asked people about whatever it was that I was aware of in their life. We ate, we hung out. Some of the people there I liked a lot, some not as much. I was proud of some, disappointed with others. People held my kid, I held other people’s kids (well, one kid). Community. It took me about 10 years to fit in like that with these people and I still have my insecurities.

I don’t want it to take 10 years to fit in at Evergreen. It’s already been a couple of years, but those were the most abnormal years of my life, so I don’t think they should count if that’s alright with everyone else. Don’t expect me to be all social butterfly, because that’s never going to happen (?) but I’ll try and say hello the next time I see you. Ask me about my kid, that will help a lot, but please, let’s not talk about crocheting.

Making my Olympic Debut

2008-08-04T07:21:00.000-07:00

Ok, no I'm not. I used to fantasize about doing that though. I was going to be an Olympic wrestler and you could watch me on t.v. at 2:00 am since that's where the wrestlers are relegated to. Anyway, the Olympics will soon begin in Beijing. My first response to the Olympics being held in China was one of disappointment and anger. I was disappointed with those in charge of choosing who should get this honor, that they would so readily ignore the blatant human rights violations and environmental crimes of this great and oppressive nation. The anger was with China itself, for perpetrating these ills, for persecuting those who believe as I do, and for having the arrogance to think that I just won't notice these things because I am so taken aback by the beauty and history of the country (both of which, i have to say again, the current regime would like to either exploit or do away with). While my feelings of anger and disappointment still remain, I long ago changed my opinion as to whether or not the games should be held there. At this point I am glad to have it there because it has brought China's crimes to light once again (though it deserves much more coverage than it has received). I look forward to the "Free Tibet" banners being unfurled at the opening ceremonies and, with any luck, the protests in the streets. Hopefully too churches will take this opportunity to teach about what happens to the church in China, that churches are required to register and told what they can teach, that the officially sanctioned Christian church in China is not in fact Christian at all and that those who strive to follow the true faith must do so secretly and face imprisonment without trial. Silly Chinese government, the church is still growing.

Maybe I'll try a different sport. If only I were athletically inclined in some way. Or maybe we can pick the best protest of the coming days and give them a medal.

Cookies

2008-08-02T13:59:00.000-07:00

Cookies are my downfall. Chocolate chip cookies. Hmm....

Uh Oh continued

2008-07-30T10:42:00.000-07:00

What was I talking about? Unexpected things. Yes. I don’t really know that I had any great point. I was just thinking about it. It reminds me of the way we are all surprised when something unfair happens, as if it has never happened before, as if the world was fair or somehow owed us fairness-none of which are true. We keep (well, at least I and many of my acquaintances) expecting everything to go as planned, even though the most consistent thing in life is inconsistency. I never expected massive brain farts that knock me out for days, I never expected Miranda to die, I wasn’t even really expecting India and I sure wasn’t expecting the last 15 months to be the way they were. But then again not all of the unexpected is bad. I never expected to be able to buy a house. I never expected that my unexpected child would be so very smart and cute. I never expected God to be, well, all that he is.

In The Last Battle, the last in the Narnia series, the characters, the heroes of this story, are set to do battle with villains that they almost certainly cannot defeat. In one scene they are afraid but determined to do what they know they must and their leader encourages them by saying (this is a paraphrase) “We rest between the lion’s paws, let us take the adventure Aslan has set before us.” I love that line; it is one of my favorite lines in all of literature. In the midst of all the unfairness, the unexpected events, the sorrow and the joy-everything, there is Aslan with his giant paws around us (or, in our world, God with his strong arms holding us). So with that in mind, let us take the adventure set before us.

To Do List:

2008-07-29T11:08:00.000-07:00

1. Write and get published. Write some articles for an ezine, like Open Source Theology or Relevant. Write for some hard copy periodicals. Finish that stupid book and publish it, then write another (and publish it).

2. Find a job that I am excited to go to everyday.

3. Travel to Israel again, and again, and again (do it a bunch)

4. Go to Egypt, Turkey, Greece, Spain, Vatican City, France, England, Germany (been to the airport-want to see more), Mexico, Canada, Africa (somewhere), Jordan (again), Iraq, Cuba, Haiti, The Galapagos, China, Japan, some other places too.

5. See every state in the union (yep, every state). That makes about 30 left to see.

6. Climb mountains. Mt. St. Helens, Mt. Hood, The Three Sisters, Adams, Jefferson, Bachelor, whatever else presents itself.

7. Learn Spanish

8. Learn to play the harmonica

9. Buy a little beach house

10. More tattoos. Many, many more

11. Teach a college course. Twice.

12. Start something new (I know what the something is, I just don’t want to say it)

13. Finish my masters(‘s) and get a doctorate

14. Protest

15. Participate in some criminal activity for the greater good of mankind

16. Find artifacts

17. Go skydiving

18. Try reverse bungee

19. Own a pet pig

20. Restore (or create a replica of) a Queen Anne Victorian and live in it all the rest of my days

21. Adopt children

22. Swim with sharks

23. See a whale up close (in the ocean)

24. Testify before congress (the state legislature would do, I suppose)

25. Restore that old truck of my grandpa’s and drive it all the rest of my days

I’m sure there’s more. I better get started on this though.

Uh Oh

2008-07-28T14:10:00.000-07:00

I JUST saw a commercial (interrupting Judge Joe Brown) telling me that epilepsy medication was linked to suicide and if I killed myself I ought to sue someone (or something like that). Litigation is fun.

Anyway, this whole epilepsy thing has got me thinking-I don't like having it. I've been dealing with it for years now, as in multiple and many, and it still surprised me that I have it. I suppose it's one of those "I never thought it would happen to me" sort of things. Does everyone have one of those? I suppose if everyone had something like that then maybe we wouldn't be so surprised when it happens. But, well, stuff happens.

Now that it has happened to me, it makes me worry what might happen next. How far will this go? What damage will it eventually do?

Of course this has been a week of unexpected and unplanned things. Ugg, my kid is trying to crawl through the cat door, more later.

Snippet: I'm Wounded

2008-07-24T11:22:00.001-07:00

I got a spiritual ass kicking yesterday. I totally wasn't expecting it, which was stupid. It was good for me, but I'm still a little sore.

2008-07-19T13:54:00.001-07:00

Snippet: I want to go home!

2008-07-19T13:54:00.000-07:00

Life isn't Fair

2008-07-18T16:13:00.000-07:00

The closest brother in age to me is 5 years my senior. When we were growing up there were many things that he was able to do that I could not. For example, he was able to ride his bike quite a bit further than me. He was allowed to stay up later. He got to do everything first. Often times this was met with my cries of “Not fair!” Now that, in retrospect, was all perfectly fair. But certainly there were plenty of things in life, both as a child and now, that weren’t and aren’t fair. Often times our efforts to point this out are met with an all too obvious response that goes something like, “Well, life isn’t fair.” Of course it’s not fair. We all know that it’s not fair, and yet we still live life expecting it to be fair. We are still so surprised and offended when we don’t get the recognition we fairly deserve or when we are accused of something that we have not done. We still cry out for fairness even though we know it will not come.
But here’s the thing. Not only is life not fair, but God isn’t fair either, and we are so lucky that he is unfair! After all, it is certainly not fair that someone who lives a perfectly righteous life should be executed on a cross for my sins. It’s not fair that though I break the law I am still counted as righteous by God. It is not fair that I who use way too much of my portion (as if I actually had a portion I could claim as my own) of resources am still granted ever more blessings. Let us never ask God to be fair with us, for we could not handle it if he were.
So how do we handle it when life treats us unfairly? We remember that God has treated us even more unfairly and we are the better for it. I have a friend who, whenever he is asked how he is doing he replies, “Better than I deserve to be.” So true for us all.

Random Blog

2008-07-17T13:32:00.001-07:00

HEALTHY DAY

I suck at eating healthy. I love chocolate too much. I really think there is something to the whole food addiction thing too. Yesterday was not a good day for Dan’s insides, but today is better. Today is salad and Sobe Lean. I’m still planning n that whole bowel cleansing thing too-I look forward to describing it to you.

LAST BIT ABOUT BOISE

My bad bathroom karma culminated in multiple attempts to use the facilities only to be thwarted by the toilet paper, or more specifically the lack thereof. I was finally rid of the bad karma when we went out to lunch with the Jillemiah Project and my lovely friend had to borrow the car to find a bathroom. It appears that I passed my bad karma off to her. Sorry about that.

I went arrowhead hunting with Jeremiah and found some nice treasure for my collection, which is nice because I would have been thoroughly disappointed had I spent an entire day in the sun taking baby steps while I stared at the ground and getting eaten by bugs only to come home empty handed. But my hands were not empty-they had a nice specimen of an arrowhead and another piece f obsidian that I really think showed some initial work as well as a piece of pottery that I have determined to be officially old (though not Native American). I also got some really cool rocks. We stopped in a small town with a population of about 2 and visited the store, which was in every way an old fashioned country store; it even sold the majority of its products from behind the counter. They happened to be filming a movie while we were there for an upcoming film festival. I think the most interesting bit of the trip was when we arrived in the town of Ola, which unlike the other town has a population of about 6. We went into the restaurant and found most of the residents there waiting for us. Well, maybe they weren’t actually waiting for us, but since everyone in the building stopped what they were doing to look at us it sure felt like it. We weren’t there for food (they only serve food on Thursdays anyway), we were there searching for a man named Bear. We were told that Bear was out chopping wood and given some very round-about directions on how to find him. But find him we did.

Bear is an interesting fella. We found him in the middle of nowhere camped out with three trucks, four dogs, a trailer, and a campfire that never went out. He was out there “choppin’ wood and trainin’ dogs” and had been there for some time. He wasn’t sure when he would be back, probably eight days or so. He thought the wife (who ran the restaurant) could use a break from him anyway. He invited us to sit down and we chatted for quite a while about the neat things he’d found and what he planned to do for the summer and so on. I called him ‘sir’ once, which offended him quite a bit. What really impressed me about Bear was that he was so hospitable and kind, even when he didn’t have to be. The man lives in a tiny town most of the year and in the wilderness for the rest of it. He seemed to have no real connection with the outside world and no desire for one. There was nothing to gain from befriending us or helping us find our treasure that day; if anything we were just getting in the way. It was refreshing to meet someone who was kind just because that’s the way he is.

Anyway, that’s the last bit about Boise I plan on writing on. I’ve forgotten everything else that happened anyhow.

Some Emergent Quotes (good and Bad)

2008-07-13T07:20:00.000-07:00

"The church has been preoccupied with the question, "What happens to your soul after you die?" As if the reason for Jesus coming can be summed up in, "Jesus is trying to help get more souls into heaven, as opposed to hell, after they die." I just think a fair reading of the Gospels blows that out of the water. I don't think that the entire message and life of Jesus can be boiled down to that bottom line." —Brian McLaren, from the PBS special on the Emerging Church
(That was good)

"Emergent doesn't have a position on absolute truth, or on anything for that matter. Do you show up at a dinner party with your neighbors and ask, 'What's this dinner party's position on absolute truth?' No, you don't, because it's a non-sensical question." Tony Jones at the 2005 National Youth Workers Convention
(That was stupid)

"[W]e should stop to reflect and to treasure the words, to turn them over and over in our minds, repeating them ..."—Richard Foster, Renovare
(That was good)

“It is my opinion that tens of thousands of people, if not millions, have been brought into some kind of religious experience by accepting Christ, and they have not been saved.”- A.W. Tozer
(Good)

“Much of “traditional” Christianity gives the impression that God has these rather arbitrary rules about how you have to behave, and if you disobey them you go to hell, rather than to heaven. What the New Testament really says is God wants you to be a renewed human being helping him to renew his creation, [...]- N.T. Wright
(Ok)

Am I Amused or Mad? I Don't Know

2008-07-13T07:18:00.000-07:00

30 Signs You Might Be Emergent
Posted by Symphony of Scripture on Thursday, April 17, 2008 Category: Emergent Church, Humor

30. Your church has replaced the pulpit with a bar stool (and possibly a bar or your church is in a bar).

29. You once read a good story about some Jewish people and a cross.

28. You engineer every conversation so you are able to use the phrase, “you can’t put god in a box,” and laugh like you’ve said the funniest thing in the word.

27. You make everyone define everything before you begin a conversation. Since this takes forever you never really have a conversation.

26. You think hell is a construct somewhere in Tennessee.

25. You think everything is a metaphor for something else.

24. When you hear the word “Orthodox” all you think about is the great food at the Greek Festival every year.

23. You think “Patristics” is a new brand of snack food.

22. Church history started when your pastor was born.

21. The only Creed you know is a once-popular musical act.

20. You only curse around fundamentalists.

19. You leave your church because the sermon was not obscure enough.

18. You refer to your local assembly as “church,” “synagogue,” or “mosque” depending on who you are talking to.

17. Your blog is a rant about how everyone else rants too much.

16. You brag that you have never been pinned down theologically on any issue.

15. The only thing you are sure of is that others cannot be sure of anything.

14. You bring your own wine to communion.

13. You are offended when someone says they are going to “Preach the Gospel” or “Teach the truth” believing they should just “Tell a story.”

12. Instead of a tract, you carry a can of Play-doh in your back pocket.

11. Your website links to Green Peace and the Democratic National Convention just because conservatives are against it.

10. You start a Christian blog, but leave it blank, fearing that you might offend someone.

9. You are not any good at art, yet you continue to present the Gospel by painting stick figures on recycled paper.

8. When you present the Gospel, Heaven is renamed The Matrix and you call Christ Neo.

7. Your church caters from Whole Foods.

6. Every sermon illustration begins with “The other night I was drinking a beer and . . .”.

5. You have yet to read the book of Romans believing Paul was too modern in his thinking.

4. Your car has a bumper sticker that reads “I think my boss is a Jewish carpenter but I can’t know for certain.”

3. You don’t worship on Sundays because everyone else does.

2. You evaluate truth by asking how many people hold to it. If it is too popular, then it is wrong.

1. When someone calls out your name you get angry saying, “Don’t label me.”

Too Poor to Sleep

2008-07-12T05:46:00.000-07:00

It’s 5:00 in the morning and I am at work. I remembered that I was scheduled to come in at 5:00 at some point in the coming days, but I couldn’t remember hen, so I called and they said this was the day. They were wrong. I’m not supposed to be in until 8:30 or 9:00, and even then I have official errands to run which would have kept me away until almost lunch time. Oh well. I can use the extra money.

But I’m one of the richest guys in the world! Seriously, that’s not delusional or metaphorical. If you take into account the population of the whole world and how most everyone else on the planet lives I’m pretty stinkin’ wealthy. But it sure doesn’t feel like it right now. I commented the other day on the irony (tragedy) that Americans are dieing from eating too much while much of the world dies from eating too little. This same dichotomy is present in our consumption of stuff too. The irony of course is that the more stuff we get to make our lives more convenient and comfortable the more we become a slave to material things. I get a new lap top, that way I can write a school paper no matter where I am at. I get a nifty cell phone, that way I’m never out of touch with work. I get a new remote control so I can sit on my butt all that much more and get fatter while I watch my giant screen t.v. that is all that much more damaging to my eyes. When I do have to force myself off the couch I get in my fancy new car; funny how much more effort and stress is required to worry about a fancy new car than a crappy old one. Whoa, diatribe.

My niece is one of the more popular girls in her school. She’s pretty, and works for hours everyday to stay that way (slave). She wears only specific brands of clothes, because to do anything else would cause her social status to plummet (slave). And of course she has her cell phone with her all the time because to lose contact with a supposed friend and miss any gossip will rob her of the chance be the one with the knowledge (slave). Insert lengthy quote here:

“Before the Lord God made man upon the earth He first prepared for him by creating a world of useful and pleasant things for his sustenance and delight. In the Genesis account of the creation these are called simply `things.' They were made for man's uses, but they were meant always to be external to the man and subservient to him. In the deep heart of the man was a shrine where none but God was worthy to come. Within him was God; without, a thousand gifts which God had showered upon him.
But sin has introduced complications and has made those very gifts of God a potential source of ruin to the soul.
Our woes began when God was forced out of His central shrine and `things' were allowed to enter. Within the human heart `things' have taken over. Men have now by nature no peace within their hearts, for God is crowned there no longer, but there in the moral dusk stubborn and aggressive usurpers fight among themselves for first place on the throne.
This is not a mere metaphor, but an accurate analysis of our real spiritual trouble. There is within the human heart a tough fibrous root of fallen life whose nature is to possess, always to possess. It covets `things' with a deep and fierce passion. The pronouns `my' and `mine' look innocent enough in print, but their constant and universal use is significant. They express the real nature of the old Adamic man better than a thousand volumes of theology could do. They are verbal symptoms of our deep disease. The roots of our hearts have grown down into things, and we dare not pull up one rootlet lest we die. Things have become necessary to us, a development never originally intended. God's gifts now take the place of God, and the whole course of nature is upset by the monstrous substitution.
Our Lord referred to this tyranny of things when He said to His disciples, `If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me. For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever shall lose his life for my sake shall find it.' (Matt. 16:24-25).”

That was from The Pursuit of God by A.W. Tozer, from the chapter titled “The Blessedness of Possessing Nothing.” I wish I could live a life free of possessions. Understand what I’m saying and not saying: I’m not saying I want to give up all my stuff, I am saying I wish I were strong enough that I could want to give up all my stuff. But I like my stuff, so rather than remove the “stuff” I will try to remove the “my.” I will try to remember that I am a steward, a care taker, not an owner; this is a freeing thought-if I can do it.
He who collects the most toys—dies anyway.

Snippet

2008-07-11T09:24:00.000-07:00

I'm still irriated that I misspelled "existentialist" in the url. Grrr....

Just an Update

2008-07-10T17:23:00.001-07:00

HEALTHY DAY PART 2

Last night I continued to eat healthy with heaping amounts of garlic (clears the bowels and other good things) on my sea food pasta (omega-3, the good fat). I added lots of spinach too, which is good for, well, everything. And of course this morning more lemon water and this afternoon many vegetables. Now after two grueling days all I can say is I WANT ICE CREAM REALLY BAD. It’s like a fetish. Ok, so it isn’t really like a fetish. But it’s still pretty sick the way I like ice cream so much.

BOISE TRIP PART 2

The trouble with writing about something that happened this far removed from the actual events is that I can’t remember the chronological order of things. I do remember my bad bathroom karma continuing as I was searching for a place to utilize (this was still when we were on our way there, just shy of the Idaho border) and every toilet there was had been previously used and abused and left in a state of utter grossness. I ended up using a women’s restroom that didn’t have a lock (the scenarios for what could have happened are just scary). I was hoping that would be the end of my bad bathroom karma, but sadly it was not. After we had finally made it to Boise I once again had to, well, you know, and the facilities were adequate but alas there wasn’t a roll in sight. Thank goodness I looked before I did anything everyone would regret! More on the bad karma later….

We spend a lot of time visiting with our friends the Wiesel’s who live in a cool old house with four rowdy but wonderful children and two massive dogs. They work with refugees from Bosnia, Afghanistan, Iraq, and so on, mostly Muslims. They do their work out of their home, which makes for much random fun when the ethnics come over. I have begun speaking to the about the Emergent church movement and now they want us to start a church up there. That would be fun….

TODAY
You’d think I could manage to get to work on time (8:30) when I woke up at 3:30, but no. No worries though, today was a day of meetings, also known as a throw-away day because nothing useful happens. Dinner with the parents tonight, some healthy salmon.

Blog 4: God Won't Let Me Sleep

2008-07-10T17:21:00.000-07:00

I received my wake up scream at 3:30 this morning. For whatever reason India was having trouble sleeping last night. I went into her room several times to sing to her and rub her back, which helped each time, just not for long. By 4:30 or so it seemed apparent that my technique wasn’t going to work so I got her out of the crib and took her into the big people’s bed. That didn’t work well either, so Jenny got up with her and took her downstairs for a while. Frustrating. She has been sleeping through the night for so long now and then…..then she shows me once again that she is the greatest theology teacher I have ever had. It is, as one might imagine, not the most pleasant experience to be woken up half-way through your sleep by a screaming baby. It takes a certain amount willpower to stand at a crib and sing and soothe when really all you want to do is sleep. It takes a whole other type of willpower to not give in to the urge to pick her up and hold her and rock her until she falls back asleep. As a dad I really can’t do anything else but respond to her crying, but sometimes I don’t respond in a way that she wants me to. Of course that makes her mad and frustrated, and I SO want to make it better, but it would not be good for her in the long run. She needs to be able to put herself to sleep. She needs to learn, by experience, that she doesn’t need to be rescued every time she has some distress, that she can handle it herself.
I think God must have a similar struggle with us, his children. I know that as a Father he responds to our cries and feels our pain with us and I bet he just wants to fix it and make it better for us as well-but that is not what we really need. He is more than our Father, he is our teacher. Even if it feels like God is ignoring me I am convinced that because he is totally good, because he is the author of love, even in the midst of any of my turmoil he wants nothing but the best for me. We he needs to he swoops me up in his embrace, but when that doesn’t happen then I know that it is time for me to learn something and he must believe that I can do it. Who am I to argue?

Snippet: Ooops

2008-07-09T13:24:00.000-07:00

Well, I did have a meeting today. Luckily I wore some shorts that used to be pants but I cut all uneven and this wierd but kinda cool t-shirt that is iteself not altogether whole. Oh well. And I can't clean out the conference room cause there's something happening in there and it involved key-lime pie. Why would anyone want to involve key-lime pie?

Blog 3: Update, In Case You Care

2008-07-09T09:40:00.000-07:00

HEALTHY DAY

The obesity epidemic. Is there anyone who is untouched by this savage disease? Ok, I don’t want to make fun of it too much, because it can be a horrible thing for some people, but seriously, we (the collective, American ‘we’) are killing ourselves of our own free will! And sadly, I am not immune. Like any lazy American I have declared that I will change my poor eating ways many times, only to fail miserably each time, after a day or a week. But today, today I try again! I have two more things going for me this time. First, I drank a glass of water and lemon juice this morning on an empty stomach to begin this bowel cleansing thing, and if I’m going to do something like that I dang well better be committed. Plus I drank tea with almost no sweetener. The second thing I have going for me is that I’m going to write about my progress here, and I know at least one person reads this so maybe I can be held accountable. Our country is dying from over-eating while other countries die for lack of food; somebody is going to have to pay for that someday and I don’t want it to be me.

SMOKING GUY

There’s this guy who lives across the alley from us who is a regular smoker. I know this because not only do I see him outside smoking on a regular basis but I also hear him. From any place in the house I can hear him coughing and hacking and coughing some more. And this happens at all hours of the day. ALL hours. Seriously, I think he must not have a job and I think that he must regulate his sleep patterns around his smoking habit; now that’s dedication. He has really annoyed me for a long time, and I really wanted to make some sort of snide comment about him the other day as I was putting my kid to bed when I had a reality check (my kid often provides me with a reality check). I wouldn’t want her to say what I was about to say (no, I don’t remember what it was I was about to say, only that I was embarrassed for having almost said it). Smoking man must have a pretty horrible life, out there smoking all the time. I wonder what it was that got him started doing this, and what it is that prevents him from stopping. I know some of the reasons, I’ve read the literature, but there is always more to it. Maybe some day I’ll be brave enough to talk to him.

BOISE TRIP

A few weeks back the fam and I took a trip to Boise. It was good fun and I promised everyone I would write about it, so here is an installment. We left at 3:30 in the freaking morning, or maybe 4:00, but at any rate we made it to Pendleton by 7:30 and had breakfast there (India slept until Pendleton-it was great). There was an old man sitting across from us whom India called “grandpa”, I think she probably made the guy’s day. The rest of the trip took quite a it longer, what with an awake toddler. At one rest stop I used the bathroom and refused to flush the toilet because I couldn’t stand the thought of touching it. This would be insignificant except that that was the start of bad bathroom karma (the only type of karma I believe in). But more on that later.

TODAY

I have no meetings today, I am excited. My hope is to organize the conference room for a MASSIVE meeting tomorrow. Plus I’m all excited about having this new blog. God just kicked me in the head again (seriously, just now). “What is it that I want you to learn from your coworkers? What am I trying to build in you? What part of me can you show them? And stop ignoring me when you’re at work!” I think that’s about what the kick was about.

Just a Snippet: Too Much

2008-07-08T17:09:00.000-07:00

Snippet: Noun; clip, snatch, morsel, small thing. Just a tiny little thing to say!

So I'm about to leave work (yes, I blog at work, I'm not that good of an employee) and I feel like I've been kicked in the crotch and smacked in the head repeatedly. So many people, so badly damaged, it's like their humanity has been stolen from them and in a very realy way they are less than human. I can't imagone what it's like being God (well, duh) and really being so much more invested in their welfare than I am and knowing every intimate detail of every hurt of every person. This is one of the reasons I am convinced that God is real: I have to believe that someone will make it better someday. And I do believe that. And I have to go home now.

Blog 2: Messianic Existentialist (part 2)

2008-07-08T09:33:00.000-07:00

Here is the second part of my long-winded explanation of my personal philosophy of messianic existentialism.

The third ultimate concern is freedom. We are intentionally designed as free moral agents with the ability to think through what is right and what is wrong and the capacity to choose one or the other. To put it a simpler way, we have been granted free-will. The extent of this free-will is a subject of much debate; I don’t think that to assert that I am a free moral agent in anyway compromises the sovereignty of God. Let us state this, for the record: Nothing happens that God is not aware of, nothing surprises him. He either causes it to happen or he allows it to happen and everything that does happen he can use to carry out his ultimate plans, which can not be frustrated. Therefore, God is sovereign.
Now that we have established that we can return to the issue of freedom. Having been granted free-will and the capacity to choose also endows us with the responsibility of the consequences of our choices, and this, when really thought out and contemplated, is daunting. I frequently hear the phrase (and I confess often use the phrase) “I have to…”, as if I have no choice in doing whatever it is I am saying that I have to do. “I have to go to work in the morning…I have to go to the store…I have to go to bed at such and such time…I have to have my coffee in the morning…I have to smoke this cigarette…I have to have my pills…” and so on and so on. My answer to ANY “have to” is “no, you don’t.” I readily confess that there are consequences for every choice, perhaps unpleasant consequences, but the unpleasantness of the consequence does not mitigate the presence of the choice.
It is a tendency in our society, or perhaps just our nature, to seek excuses for what we or others do because we can not handle the idea that they actually chose to do whatever horrible thing it is they did. When a woman returns to a batterer we say that she has a syndrome and she can’t help but to return. When a young man abuses a younger girl we look at the abuse in his past and that that is why he did it. When a city riots we say that it is because they are oppressed and discriminated against. None of these answers are wrong, but in the end, there was always a choice to be made.
Closer to home, that means that when I am mean to my wife or yell at my child or ignore my work or eat poorly or don’t get some chore done, despite the many excuses and explanations I may have, these were all things I chose. The responsibility for my actions (or lack thereof) is mine and mine alone. One way humans have come up with to combat this horrible feeling of responsibility (other than clever excuses) is to live under rules and laws. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing either; clearly we are creatures in need of some guidance. But where the law increases guilt also increases with it and it is but another chain to burden us.
But then, Jesus. The Messiah does not remove our choice nor the consequences of our choices, but he does offer us a way to face them. First, he sets us only under one law, the law of love. We are to love God and love others; that will look differently for different people, but so long as we are acting in love (towards God and others) we are acting rightly. Second, he offers forgiveness. Indeed, the consequences for our choices go well beyond what we see and experience in this life and have effects on us for eternity. The ultimate consequence for our poor choices (or sin-whatever misses the mark of God) is death. Jesus took our place on the cross, taking our death and served as a propitiation, turning away the wrath of God and reconciling me, just as I am, to my creator. Thus I am no longer afraid of freedom. While I still must face certain consequences for poor choices I know that in his sovereignty God will make all things right and new and that in the end I will be ok-that is to say, I have been and am being saved; this is a tremendous burden removed from my soul.
The final ultimate concern is death. In addressing this I could just refer to all that has been stated already and that would cover much of it, but alas it would not satisfy my desire to write about it. So…..the fear of death and the instinct to try to survive is present in all creatures. For example, how long can you hold your breath? Let’s say for the purpose of this illustration that you can hold your breath for 30 seconds. By around second number 25 or so you are feeling a bit uncomfortable, your lungs may even be starting to hurt a bit, but in just 5 more seconds you get to breathe. Now imagine that you are forced suddenly to hold your breath. This lasts for 30 seconds, but you don’t know that. You have no idea how long it is going to last. Probably in this scenario by about second 5 you are already in pain. By second 10 or so you are panicking. By second 25 you are convinced you are going to die and are starting to give up hope. Second 31 is the greatest moment of your life because you are breathing again. We fear death.
We fear the unknown, and death is the greatest unknown there is. We fear what may be waiting for us, or not waiting for us. But Jesus tells us what is waiting for us. We know that the one who has trusted in Christ is saved from death, that when he dies he will be with Christ in Paradise and we know that the one who has not accepted the invitation will find himself in that place called Hades; so the unknown is removed. We know that there is nothing to fear for those that are saved, that they go to a place where there are no more tears. And, we know that death is not permanent. Christ has shown this by what he said and by the fact that he beat death. The resurrection began with Christ himself and will continue until all people are raised and receive their final rewards or condemnation. This is what we who like big words call inaugurated eschatology. The final stage has begun, but it is yet to finish. And so death has lost its sting for it is defeated; it is but a moment but eternal life is, well, eternal.
The ultimate concerns of the human condition: meaninglessness, isolation, freedom, and death, are all resolved and being resolved by the messiah. Because Yahweh is rapt with meaning and purpose, so too am I who am made in his image.

Blog #1 What Do You Mean Messianic Existentialist (part 1)

2008-07-08T09:31:00.000-07:00

I Googled the term “messianic existentialist” today and I found exactly two items on the search, both of which were things I created. If you Google the term “Christian existentialist” you find considerably more entries, none of which quite capture what I mean when I describe myself as a messianic existentialist. So, for my first post, let me tell you what I mean by the term; hopefully I will be able to do so without contradicting what I said in those other two items I mentioned.
Let’s start with the existential side of things. Existential philosophy recognizes four ultimate concerns in life: meaninglessness, isolation, freedom, and death (Yalom, 1980). These come as no surprise if we consider the human condition as one of constantly searching for meaning and purpose. I really believe this to be true of all people, even the stupidest, most shallow of us is still searching for meaning and purpose, just in horrible, stupid, shallow ways. The impetus behind this search is the image of God inside of us-his touch, his breath, the echo of his original intentions for us in our design that remains inside us all calls to us and compels us to seek this image and the one behind it. Our nature is fallen, however, and thus we are unable to ever fully realize the imago dei, especially when left to our own devices to search for it (I know the fallen nature has many other consequences as well, but we are not addressing those here).
Now back to the ultimate concerns. Again, these are all byproducts of the intersection of our nature and the image of God inside us. A non-theistic take on existentialism holds that life is essentially meaningless and that we as human beings must struggle with this meaninglessness and somehow come to terms with it. Sounds pretty hopeless, but it’s not fully wrong. Consider how long your life is in comparison to time in general, the whole of our existence, with all its passion and desire, its joy and sadness, its moments of fear and courage and embarrassment and happiness and love, all of it is but a spec of time, a brief instant along the continuum of existence. And the fact of the matter is most of what you do simply will not matter in the long run. This is true even within our short lives. Most if not all of the issues and events that were so life-altering to me in my childhood are of no consequence now. How can I expect anything I do to be of consequence to anyone else in this life, much less in the years to come after me, if it can not even matter to me in my own time? I save a life-they still die eventually. I help a man break an addiction to drugs-he becomes addicted to alcohol. I teach the truth-they believe a lie. So much is meaningless in this life.
But then there’s Jesus. Here is a peculiar belief: I believe that about 2000 years ago in the Middle East a man was born. He was not born in the natural way, however. His mother was a virgin when he was born. Peculiar. I believe that that boy grew into a man and followed the law of God perfectly, where no other human being in history ever could or ever would. Peculiar. I believe that that same man taught truth-not truth that is “true for me”, but truth, THE truth. I believe that he was an innocent man and in many respects an insignificant carpenter who managed to scare those in power so much that they decided they had to kill him. Peculiar. I believe that when he died the whole relationship between God and man was changed forever. Peculiar. And I believe that he didn’t stay dead. I believe that he came back to life, got up, took the grave clothes off, and appeared to many. Peculiar. I believe that he rose into the air and is with God and will someday return. Very peculiar.
What Jesus left behind, besides a whole new way of relating to God (and that’s a pretty big deal) is a whole new way of life-life in the way of Jesus. Living life in the way of Jesus is a life that leads to revealing the imago dei; and this is the goal, the meaning, the purpose of life, to live fully in the life of God. I am not left to find meaning and purpose on my own (though I am welcome to shape my meaning and purpose with God) but I am shown meaning and given purpose by Jesus. What I think and say and do as I live life in the way of Jesus has eternal repercussions because the only one who is eternal grants them this honor-life is meaningless no more.
The second ultimate concern is isolation. By this the existentialist means that we never truly, fully know another human being and more to the point another human being can never fully, truly know me. No matter how well I express myself or how close we live in proximity to each other, even if you were to observe me all day long and I were to tell you my life story including every juicy secret there is, still you would not be able to experience life as me and therefore you can not fully know me. In one sense this is a bit of a relief, because I don’t want someone to know ALL my thoughts. But then again, we all struggle from time to time to be understood; sometimes it is all we want out of life-just someone to know us and understand us, but alas….
And then there is Jesus. He is the one who created me. He not only knows my thoughts but my intentions behind them (i.e. he knows my heart). And he knows my destiny. Yes, he knows everything about me, even the juicy little secrets. Moreover, the believer’s body is a temple of the Holy Spirit. He indwells and he knows-I am isolated no more. This is so much so that the Bible says that the Spirit Himself helps us to pray when we don’t know how or what to pray-He takes the groans of our heart and translates them for us. I am known.