Church Planting Stalkers

I just read this book about church planting, slightly outdated, but I thought it would be a good place to start. The author made several suggestions. Some of his ideas regarding the new comers:

1. They should be greeted and invited to a home group at least 4-5 times before they ever find their seat in the sanctuary,
2. Everyone needs to be given name tags, and
3. They should receive a phone call from the pastor on Sunday afternoon, a “porch” visit later that day from a member of the church, a personal thank you from the pastor by midweek, and a church newsletter by Friday.

Welcome to First Christian Church of Stalker. Seriously, God MUST exist if the church has survived this long.

The Final Paper

As a good many of you know, part of the graduation requirements at Western include writing a final paper. I am so late in getting this done that they probably won't accept it anymore, but never-the-less I am holding out hope. The trouble is, this is turning out ot be one of the more difficult papers I have written and I am not sure why. I've decided to start posting parts of it as I write so that I can get some feedback. Here is the first two pages or so.

How I Got to be This Way

"An Unexamined Life is not worth living."

- Socrates

How did I get here? How did my life become like this? I have not always been this way. Of course, at any given point in my life I could ask those questions and make that same statement, for I am somewhat different everyday. But at least, up until recently, I have always been like me. But now, now things are different; I can feel my story changing.
I suppose that before I say how my story is changing, I ought to mention how the story has gone so far. I’m going to skip the first few chapters, because it’s mainly me being a loner and a momma’s boy and I come off bad in it. Instead, I’ll begin when I first began to realize there was a story in the first place, and not only that, but that I was a character in it. This first happened in those tumultuous, terrible, and torturous years of high school. I had just spent several years in middle school, trying to become invincible, and failing that, invisible, all in an effort to avoid the cruelty that so often befell my classmates who had been thrown to the mercy of their merciless peers. By the end of the eighth grade I had been largely successful, but my victory was short-lived; high school has a way of making any good thing feel short-lived. With about a billion zits on my face, an awkward hair style, and all the courage of a beaten puppy I approached the ninth grade with a new awareness of my need for a savior. There was nothing noble or righteous about my first feeble attempts to find God. At my best I was curious, and most of the time I was simply desperate.
I searched for God at my church, a group of Lutherans trying their best to be happy in spite of their Lutheranness. I learned from them that ignoring evil, as this group was apt to do, doesn’t make it go away, nor does ritual without meaning bring any goodness or grace. I searched for God amongst the Mormons, joining them in their studies and in their activities and in their homes. I learned from them that calling everything else evil does not bring to you more good and I became convinced that my “Heavenly Father’s Plan” for me must include more than avoiding R-rated movies and staying away from caffeine. I searched for God in myself, where so many people have claimed to find him, and I found that he wasn’t there; nothing was there. I searched for God, but I didn’t find him and I never have, and I suspect I never will. That first time, and every time since, God found me. That was cliché, I know, but clichés can be true. Had I designed the encounter it would have been different-grander, filled with beauty, that sort of thing. But my encounter with the divine was so ordinary and unexpected that I didn’t even know it was happening.

"Love People. Love the potential that lies in them even more."

- Jim Putman, author, mega church pastor, used to be my youth minister

God came in the form of a wrestling coach with a neck the same size as my waist. The rest of him, his body, his voice, his demeanor, fit quite well proportionally with his waist-sized neck; he was kind of like a car accident-so frightening that you feel compelled to look away but for some reason you slow down to ogle anyway. It never crossed my mind that this man could end up as a mentor to me in that season of my life; at the time I wasn’t even sure that I could speak to him. But what I didn’t realize is that God was in him.
I have subsequently learned that the wise thing to do is to look for God in every person I interact with and every occasion I find myself in. That sounded a little cliché too, but I am certain that one is true. In fact, it is almost a pillar in my philosophy of counseling and ministry. I believe that everyone, every single person, has inside themselves the image of their creator, striving and struggling to break through and reveal itself. Time and again God humbles me by allowing me a glimpse of Himself where I least expect it-in the tears of an oppositional, defiant child, in the clingy behavior of his dependent mother, even in the delusions of a profoundly mentally ill man who just talked to Jesus the night before. Or, in this case, in a big-necked, national champion, all-American wrestling coach, who also happened to be a youth pastor and years later would articulate a statement that, in its context, was one of the most powerful I have ever heard: “I don’t care about wrestling, I care about you.”
Jim introduced me to a God that was quite different from the one I had been told about as a child in Sunday school. Whereas that God was afraid of evil and thus could only talk about good, happy thoughts, the God Jim told me about hated evil as much as he loved me. He didn’t set up simple, arbitrary rules to combat evil, he died to defeat it, and in dying-and raising-he defied death itself. This was the God who would one day crush evil beneath his feet. And he wanted me to help.
I spent the next several years watching the people around me suffer, and in my own ways I suffered along side them. I watched many of my peers make stupid, stupid decisions, sometimes because they were ignorant or ill-informed, often times because they desperately wanted to fit in. I watched still others endure the consequences of someone else’s stupid decision. Like my classmates I spent a lot of time in high school wondering when I was ever going to use this “in real life.” Well, here’s the real life lesson: young people spend way too much time and waste way too much energy simply trying to survive, and they need someone to help them be more than what the world has convinced them they are.

Big Dumb Puppy

Bear with me for a moment, I need to complain. But before that I want to gloat just a bit. Yesterday at church I was working in the children's room. As far as I can tell I am the only male at Hawthorne who is in there, at least on a regular basis (last three weeks in a row and I think next week). We had some new kids yesterday and the week before that, ranging in age from 3 to 10 years. I talked to all of them (thus begins the gloating). All of them (excpet for one kid, who was really loud and, um, spirited) were timid and shy and reluctant to participate. I can relate! I am timid and shy and reluctant to participate and when I was their age I would have RUN AWAY rather than be put in a kid's room with people I didn't know. So, I gently, carefully, thoughtfully eased my way into their little protective bubbles and by the end of our time they were participating. I was really pleased that they felt comfortable enough to particpate and proud that I was able to help them feel that way.

And now the complaint. As I mentioned, I am the only male over 7 years old who is in there on a regular basis. When the gathering was over and all the mommies came to pick up their children, each and every one of them either looked at me a bit oddly or simply not at all, and this is when I was still playing with their children. Clearly I am working with their wee one, and yet they seek out the closest woman to ask how it went and to thank them for their hard work and yada yada. Hello! Do you see me?! I'm the one with your child! I even wiped snot off of one of their little noses!

Ok, as I have admitted before, I tend to be a bit sensitive about some things, this being one of them. But really, it's not as if I don't have good reason. There is a paper towel commercial that I see every now and then that is clearly aimed for the lady of the house, sympathizing with her about how she has to clean up after her kids and lamenting that husband's do such horrible work that the wife must inevitably come behind him and reclean.

I have more examples, but I know that complaining gets old so I'll stop (in a minute). Ladies, do not assume that we (guys) are big, dumb puppies when it comes to children and house work; and when we do a good job, as we (and you) should be expected to do, please don't act like we're dancing poodles.

Ok, I'm done. You can bring your kid over now-I'll watch him for you.

Mega Church = Mega Trouble

Before coming to Evergreen I was a part of a very large church in Damascus. After my normal introvert warming up period I became very involved in the youth ministry, helping to lead the jr. high group for a time as well as teaching two youth classes and attended various special events. There were well over 100 youth in the church and over 1000 adults, so it was a pretty big church. And I didn’t know hardly anyone over age 16 (and that’s just not healthy). Since we jumped ship for Evergreen the church has continued to grow and now has a separate “video venue” campus and multiple thousands in attendance-it’s a mega church.

When I was in high school I attended what I considered a large youth group of about 80. The size of the youth group was all that much more impressive since the whole church, counting the youth, had maybe 150 people. After five years at the church the youth minister moved on to plant a new church in Idaho. Starting with 50 people, they now have 5 campuses in three states and number around 10,000. This man was a spiritual mentor to me, a father figure in many ways, and now he is untouchable. There is no contact information, as he is a celebrity of sorts, and even if there was I doubt he would return my contact. A professor of mine from college, also a spiritual mentor to me and a major influence in my life, joined the staff there several years ago-never to be heard from again.

I have been trying to adopt the position that if someone is happy in their mega church and they are growing and serving, then bully for them-it’s just not my way. Right now I’m thinking a little more dogmatically, that mega churches just suck. As I was once again attempting to discover a way to contact these once important people in my life I came across a site badmouthing my former youth pastor. I have no doubt that this WOULD NOT have happened had he managed to start a small church that started other small churches-there is simply no reason to create an anti-my former pastor site if he is the pastor of a small church, no one cares how much you hate him. But if you screw up or piss someone off as a mega church pastor you bring trouble on the whole lot of us.

So for right now, mega churches suck.

All Grown Up and Still Waiting to be a Rock Star

Early yesterday evening, as I had the house all to myself and was preparing for some mindless exploration on my ultra-slow internet, my phone began to ring. Rudely breaking my connection to aforementioned internet. As my introvert self tends to do I ignored the call. My annoyance with the called changed to excitement when I heard the voice of my friend Kathryn on the other end. I hardly ever get to see her, and true to form she gave us a call letting us know she was in town for one night and one night only. We met when we both lived in Boise; she now lives in San Diego and we of course live in Portland. Prior to San Diego Katy spent a year in China, and after San Diego, well, who knows where she’ll go next. She is working on her second bachelor’s degree, dates weird pagans and thinks she might want to be a nutritionist (a vegan nutritionist-that’s hardcore). She goes backpacking with people from Belgium and surfs almost every day. Such is the life of those who refuse to grow up (I saw that with envy and admiration-not insult).

My life is a bit different these days. I worry about the mortgage every day. I rearrange my schedule for childcare purposes, and a good day is one that ends by 9:30. I spend the vast majority of my day sitting in front of a computer and I’m getting fat. To top it off I am undergoing a pre-midlife crisis. Still….
Yesterday my daughter, complete with Pippy Longstocking pigtails, Marion berry smears on her cheeks and a big grin, said “Hi Daddy” and ran up to me and hugged my legs. It’s worth it.

Why Does it Randomly Look Funny?

Stupid googlepages! Why do you hate me?!

It's About the People, Stupid

The other day I went to see my niece perform a role in “High School Musical” for the local children’s theatre. Children are terrible actors-we applaud anyway.

The show took place at my old high school in the auditorium that was built in the 1930’s. There is a new high school building now, with a new auditorium that is in every way nicer and more pleasant to sit in than the one we were in. Never-the-less, I found myself reminiscing and generating warm fuzzies for my old school (goes to show you how good the brain is at blocking out trauma). I remember watching many a school play in that large, amazingly hot room. I remember goofing around in there and hiding in there and debating many existential, political, theological, and personal ideas and issues, not to mention the day-to-day drama that was high school. My junior year I was friends with this really gorgeous girl. We had no romantic interest in each other whatsoever, but we did like to hang out from time to time. One night, neither of us having anything better to do, we went to a school production of something or other. She made a point of walking arm in arm with me, thus raising my social status dramatically and causing rumors that we both enjoyed. I went on my first official date with my wife there. We sat in the back and watched “Little Women.” It took my almost the entire play to get the courage to hold her hand. Sometime in my junior or senior year I was anxious to leave a crowded show; all the old people were taking their time. Rather than wait I decided to hop over the isles of wooden chairs. One of the chairs folded in on me and I managed to make a fool of myself, made all that much worse as a self-conscience high schooler. You would think I would have learned my lesson, but I went home from my niece’s performance with a scrape on my left ankle and a nasty bruise and scrape on my right shin.

There’s really nothing all that special about that auditorium. In fact, it’s really a nasty place. But the memories, the shared experiences, the emotions, insights, and revelations that happened there, these make it a special, almost sacred place to me. I can only imagine what it must be like for those that went to school there when the place was new (or newer). Places, things, these are nothing and they will cease to exist one day. But people, our connections to one another, these are lasting and transformational.

When I went to the middle east I went into a cave. It was dark and dingy and a little bit smelly. It was nothing, nothing but a cave that once house animals who pooped in it. And yet all I could do was stand there, trying to grasp where I was and what it was I was doing. The cave was nothing, but the man born in it some 2000 years ago, he is everything. At that moment I joined the millions (I’m guessing) who have walked through it, both emperors and peasants, believers and mere tourists, a community of pilgrims. The place was nothing, the people were everything.

So too with the church. I flinch every time I see someone place irrational value on some object in a church, whether a bible or a pulpit or a pew or whatever. So often part of this irrational elevation of objects includes keeping people away from it or keeping people quiet in it. Every time this happens any sacredness that was there is diminished because it is not the place, it is not the thing, it is the people. God did not make a cave or a book or a building in his own image, he reserved that sacred honor for us.

25 Theses

I have been working on these for several days, and I will continue to work on them, well, forever. As a relative newbie to the emergent mindset/theology/lifestyle I have yet to formulate any real concrete opinions specific to the emergent church; this is my attempt to do that. I certainly haven’t created anything new here, though I have made a point of staying away from similar material until I made my own, so it’s new for me. I have alternated between the terms “American church” and “contemporary church” since I haven’t decided which I think is more accurate. This is somewhat antagonist/defensive, but that’s just because of the genre. Anyway, here it is:


1. The American church, as well as the church in other industrialized nations, that is, the contemporary church, has relegated “church” to a place, a building, a weekly event, something that one ‘goes to.’ The emerging church, that is, the church that is emerging post-Evangelicalism into a postmodern culture, is to be understood as a community of people, the called out ones, those who have chosen to live life in the way of Jesus, including repentance (the turning away of sin) and faith and lifestyle.

2. The American or contemporary church has formed into an exclusive club, having set up artificial and subjective guidelines as how one becomes a member, believing that one has “made it” once membership is achieved and no more growth is necessary. The emerging church must tear down all barriers that scripture itself does not set up, including “membership” of the church. People are participants in the community, to one degree or another.

3. The American church has failed to recognize the social injustices that concern Jesus. The church has concerned itself with not appearing “too liberal” and with propagating itself and neglected the weightier concerns of Christ, to the detriment of society and the image of the Body of Christ within society. As the largest volunteer organization in the world, with access to abundant resources, the church must show its faith through action, caring for widows and orphans, the oppressed, the poor and needy, and the persecuted (of all races and creeds and religions).

4. While much of the church, commonly the conservative, fundamentalist, or Evangelical church, has neglected caring for the society in which it finds itself, another segment of the church, commonly the mainline denominations, have neglected the proclamation of the whole gospel, focusing instead only on what is pleasant to hear and/or promotes their cause. The emerging church must cling to the truth of scripture, to the proclamation of the death, atonement, and resurrection of Jesus, and to salvation through the same.

5. The church has become irrelevant to the people, speaking of and proclaiming that which is of little or no significance to those seeking truth and edification. Further, the church has sinned in trying to gain more members by becoming less like itself and more like the world around it, or it has ignored the people and separated itself, and in so doing has failed to engage in the mission of Jesus. The emerging church must be organic, coming out of the culture rather than forcing itself into it, serving as a visible, valuable, and contributing part of the culture and society from which it stemmed, even while remaining distinct in its ultimate vision, goal, and motivation.

6. The leaders of the church have failed to teach the Body of Christ and as a result the people are largely ignorant of scripture, ignorant of theology, ignorant of the things of Christ, and ignorant of the character of God. The leaders of the church have relied not on God and the bible but on programs and gimmicks; they have focused on growth in numbers above growth on people. The emerging church must teach people where they are with the expectation and plan that they will not stay there. The emerging church must focus on the growth within the individual, not the growth of individual people in the pews.

7. The church has sinned in its elevation of individuals, organizations, and programs above Jesus and the gospel. Too often has a group of believers disintegrated when their leader left, because they were led by a man and not by God. Too often are gift ignored and left to rot because they don’t mesh with the leader. The emerging church must seek to empower all who are willing with the skills needed to lead; let no person hold to any teaching or community as if it was actually his, let the 80/20 rule be shattered as individuals become participants in their community.

8. The contemporary church, if not viewing the leader as a celebrity, views him or her as an employee, the one paid to do all the work of the church and to please and entertain the masses in the pews. The emerging church must take seriously the priesthood of all believers, knowing that some are set apart so that they may be freed up to do the work of the ministry full time but that none are exempt from doing ministry as far and as often as they are able.

9. The church has come to have a bad reputation amongst non-believers. It is seen as judgmental, oppressive, interfering, dangerous, and hypocritical; the term “evangelical” has come to take on more political than ecclesiastical connotations The emerging church, through its commitment to social justice, to the welfare of those in the community, to the welfare of those in the larger community, and through its welcome to all people, regardless of where they are in faith and life, must come to be known as scripture calls upon the people of God to be known, by their love.

10. The American church, in particular the more vocal and more “right wing” parts of the church, has neglected the proclamation of the gospel for the proclamation of political doctrines. While the emerging church recognizes that our convictions will inform our politics, and that life in the way of Jesus cannot exclude any element of life, including politics, it knows that the mission of the church is to reveal Christ, not create to legislation.

11. Worship is, in large part, service-service to God and service to others. But the term “service,” as related to the church, has come to be known as an event in which the masses come to be served and “fed.” Understanding the power of words to convey meaning, the emergent church adopts the term “gathering” to more rightly reflect what is taking place: the gathering of participants in the community of faith for worship, prayer, teaching, and fellowship.

12. The contemporary church is fractured into denominations, often competing and bickering with one another, each one knowing little about the other and many claiming to be the only one that is right. The emerging church must seek to remove the barrier of denominations, choosing instead friendship, cooperation and dialog with brothers and sisters of all denominations, knowing that we can learn much from each other and together we can further the kingdom with greater speed, skill, and effectiveness than if we go it alone. We recognize that both as faith communities and as individuals we have the freedom in Christ to disagree and the obligation to remain connected.

13. While the American church has created the phenomenon of the mega-church, the emerging church sees this as essentially dehumanizing and a poor model for how to bring healing, equipping, and edification to believers. It is artificial in that they use the semantics of community but function as a corporation. They do not plant new churches but rather grow themselves and in so doing reveal a major failing in their missional mandate. We recognize that there are exceptions to the above statements, but that overall communities function best when they are small, when people have a chance to know one another’s stories, and when they feel close to their leader.

14. Mega-churches seek to grow themselves; emerging churches, recognizing that new churches are historically better at reaching people, seek to create new churches so that the kingdom of God my grow demographically, geographically, numerically, and spiritually. We do not wish to make carbon copies, but instead allow each new gathering of believers to take on an identity of its own.

15. The polity of the American church is one of top-down leadership, whether explicitly or functionally, by design or default. The masses come to watch and be led, the leaders come to work and grow their followers. The emerging church must seek out the leadership potential in each believer, discipling them to become biblically qualified leaders. Rather than searching from without the emerging church must build leaders from within.

16. The contemporary church assigns importance and influence based on non-biblical criteria, including one’s position in the secular world, pedigree, wealth, political agenda, and even intimidation. The emerging church must recognize those who live according to the biblilcal standards of an elder and do the work of an elder, recognizing them as elders.

17. While the contemporary church as access to an abundance of resources, the people remain stingy, placing the funding of themselves above the funding of the work of God and neglecting the tradition of the people of God in being generous. The emergent church must fund the work of the community generously, seeing that doing so is both God-serving and self-serving. Moreover the people must be generous with each other, clinging to nothing as their own exclusive possession.

18. The contemporary church has long focused on fact based, bullet point style teaching, expecting right knowledge to lead to right behavior but never getting the results they hoped for. The emergent church must recognize the value of narrative and experience, informing each other’s stories and telling the story of God and experiencing transforming relationship with God and his people.

19. Scripture and the Spirit have influenced and informed art from the beginning of time, yet the contemporary church has neglected the use of: design, painting, drama, dance, poetry, in worship. The emerging church must embrace and encourage the artistic gifts God gives to his people and utilize them for fuller, more complete worship.

20. Every church and denomination has traditions; the American church has either rejected tradition outright or clung to it irrationally. The emerging church must value the writings, prayers, and traditions of those who came before us, learning from them and applying them to daily life, submitting them to the authority of scripture, setting aside (though not rejecting) that which is no longer relevant, and maintaining a familial link to our predecessors.

21. The contemporary church has separated itself from culture, vilified that which does not come from them, and propagated a tired and useless “us verses them” mentality. The emerging church must recognize that it is not “us verses them,” but rather “us and them,” thus maintaining our distinction but remaining open to learning from one another and working toward a common good. We recognize it as sin to not cultivate real relationships outside of the church as well as inside.

22. Of the course of many, many years, the contemporary church has whittled away communion, that is, the gathering together at the Lord’s Supper. It has become only a bite of bread or cracker and a sip of wine or juice, often taken thoughtlessly if at all. While the emerging church must continue to recognize the value of these symbols and participate in the partaking, so too must it recognize that communion has always included fellowship and sharing in each other’s stories.


23. The American church has maintained artificial distinctions between the genders which are no longer relevant or useful in today’s society. While recognizing that there are certain distinctions, the emerging church must move toward an egalitarian position.

24. The American church has largely neglected the children and youth, viewing them as the “church of tomorrow” when they are in fact the church of today. They have substituted entertainment for teaching and games for ministry. The have failed to allow the young people to go through the necessary developmental stages and search out their own faith. The emerging church must recognize that children and youth are valuable, contributing members to the work of God, worthy of ministry and capable of the same.

25. The contemporary church is satisfied that the work of theology is done, that there is no thinking left to do. The emerging church must continue the work of the Reformation, fleshing out for today’s culture and society sola scriptura, sola fide, sola gratia, Solus Christus, and soli Deo Gloria. We must view these not as a history lesson but as a current plea.

Here I stand. God help me.

C'Mon Joel! Get That Wife to Submit!

Oh my goodness. I guess this happened some time ago, but it's really all hitting the fan now. According to accusations and a report by the FAA, Victoria Osteen, Joel's wife and co-pastor of Lakewood Church, assualted a flight attendent on Colorado flight prior to takeoff by slamming her against a wall and elbowing her in her left breast because she was not satisfied with the manner in which a stain from a spilled drink was cleaned off her seat. Some of the reports I read quoted other passengers describing her as a diva and "abusive." The flight attended asked to have the Osteens (well, Victoria at least) removed from the plane, though a church spokesperson said they left voluntarily and that it was "a mutual thing." All in all the flight was delayed for about 2 hours. Victoria was fined $3,000 by the FAA for "interfering with a crew member." Do you suppose that can be a tax write off?

The poor flight attended is now suing Vicki for 10 percent of her net worth (don't know how much that is. I really wanted to wag my finger at the Osteen's for this, but I'm going to need two wagging fingers now. The flight attendent "claims that she suffers from anxiety and hemorrhoids because of the incident and said her faith was affected. She is also suing Osteen for medical expenses for counseling." Hemorroids? Really? I would think that as a flight attendent she would work with jerks on a regular basis-not that it's ok, but seriously, grow up. And Joel, get her under control, she's embarassing us.

Three-Headed Snakes and Other Good Goals

I’m starting to narrow down the tattoo I want on my right arm (not that this is particularly relevant since the big money for case management won’t start rolling in for a while). At the top of my short list is a three headed snake. I think it will complement the dragon nicely. The three heads are of course symbolic, in this case they are symbolic of my three main goals in life; these are very broad goals, many things could fit under each category.

My first goal is to love. I want to love God with all my heart, mind, and soul. I find this daunting, and I challenge anyone who doesn’t. “Heart, mind, and soul” is basically symbolic, representing the whole of one’s being. No compartmentalizing, only holistic, unhindered love. I don’t do it, but this is my goal.

I want to love my family. Despite my many foibles and failings, I really, truly, really want to be a better father and a better husband every day. I want to love them more deeply every day. I want to submit and support, lead and guide, follow and encourage.

I want to love my friends. I want to be a support, I want to build up, I want to cheer on. I want to know and be known in a personal, transparent way that opens me up and opens them up to compliments and critique, accolades and accountability.

I want to love others. I want to show compassion, empathy, and aid to those who need it. I want to be a safe place for people in a dangerous world. I want to figure out what it means to be incarnational.

I want to love my enemies. I want to not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good (this is a hard one for me, I’m pretty vengeful). I want them to be so surprised, so taken aback, so shocked by my love in the face of their, well, enemyness, that the seeds of revolution will be planted in their heart.

My first goal is love. My second goal is life. There is so much to see, so much to do, so much to experience. There are so many blessings to give and receive and I don’t want to miss it. I don’t want to look back on anything with regret, I don’t want to wish I had been brave or bold. This is difficult for me as I am pretty much always shy and sometimes cowardly. I am frustrated by the human tendency to get stuck doing things a certain way because they have always been done that way or to think that something can’t be done simply because it has never been done before. When St. Peter meets me at the pearly gates and introduces me to my first angel, and that angel asks me, “So, what is life like?” I want to have a good answer.

My first goal is love, my second is life. My third goal is to leave a legacy. Our lives are but mist, or the equivalent of the blink of an eye in all of time. We will not be around very long and we will not be remembered. Almost everything we do, even the most powerful and influential of us, fades away into meaninglessness and is without consequence. Almost. Some people live their whole lives like this and simply don’t care and it drives me insane. I want to leave a legacy; I want the time allotted to me to result in more than consumed resources and over-populating offspring. I want said offspring to know me, to now their history through me. I want lives and subsequent generations to be different because I was involved. I want to help people heal and be transformed now and after I meet that angel. Lofty and perhaps a little arrogant? Yeah, probably, but also doable.

So that is what the three heads on my three-headed snake are going to mean, and hopefully that is what my life will mean. I’m not sure where the tattoo itself fits into the grand scheme of these goals, but it fits somewhere.

Community is Hard

Jenny, India and I were able to be a part of Evergreen’s first “combined gathering” the other day. We didn’t get to hear any of the teaching as we were with the kids, but I assume it was brilliant. The house was rather brilliant too; I covet it now and am plotting ways to make it my own. While we were working with the children someone had the idea that we should read a story about baptism to all the wee ones so that they might understand a little bit better what was going on (incidentally, I wrote about baptism on my theology blog-I can’t remember if what was any good). I thought the baptism story was an excellent idea, but as it turns out our little book didn’t have any stories about baptism so I was left to tell the story of Jesus being baptized by John and hope I didn’t mess up lest hellfire and brimstone rain down. I’m pretty sure I didn’t mess up. When I got to the part about the Holy Spirit descending on Jesus one small child, for whatever reason, thrust his shark toy into the air prompting Jenny to add “in the form of a shark.” I denounced her as a heretic and was ready to continue the story but my momentum was gone so we just let it sit. I think they learned something.

I was really quite comfortable, if a little bit worn out, working with the children. It was the lunch afterword with everybody that was difficult. India, my little extraverted, unencumbered, uninhibited, totally independent daughter went everywhere and talked to many a person while my lunch lay lingering in the grass unappreciated and uneaten. Victoria graciously agreed to watch her for a while, but that lasted about ten minutes (I can’t blame the kid, it’s just that I was so looking forward to finishing my hot dog while it was warm). So off we went again, India talking to everybody, hitting a few of them, and me being my little introverted self. I am an introvert, which means I hate people. Ok, no it doesn’t, but one of the implications IS that I am not all giddy about being in a big group and I am not naturally inclined to seek out someone to talk to. I LOVE the idea of community, love it, love it, love it-I just can’t seem to DO it.

We are not meant to go it alone-even I don’t want to be completely alone. God is in community with himself (that whole Trinity thing) which leads me to believe that part of our desire for relationships is based on that image of God inside of us, the image of the inherently relational God, desiring to be with others. The church that Jesus built began as community-11 men and their ladies (or whatever) began as a community. It grew as a community. Evangelicalism has talked about community forever, but they haven’t gotten over the prevailing culture of privacy, independence, and consumerism; and I know that part of what makes Evergreen work, part of that something that I can’t quite put a finger on, is that there is authentic community.

Now I just have to try and be a part of it. Part of the problem is that I just can’t believe that anyone actually cares to have me; it’s this prevailing thought in my head, a voice that keeps whispering to me every time I try to approach someone. So I find a clever way to overcome it-I use my kid. She’s cute, she evokes smiles, and she’s a total chic magnet. Seriously, if I rely on her too much I find myself in the house with the girls talking about weddings and learning how to crochet while the men-folk are outside engaging in the macho sport of wiffle ball.

So I decide to be brave. I will leave the living room and venture to the yard and take my turn at bat. Out of five throws I manage to hit one, but it doesn’t roll very far. The eleven year old is better than me. Traumatic moments of middle school are rushing into my head. The people I am with this time are certainly nicer than middle-schoolers, but they look no less disappointed. Maybe I’ll go back and sit with the girls. Part of my brain realizes that all of the above is not nearly so dramatic in real life, but the other part really isn’t pleased with me for challenging its reality, but I digress…

Right after the Evergreen potluck (I did finally get to eat some food) we went to another potluck with some in-laws. I felt more-or-less comfortable there. I didn’t say much, but I’m the guy who doesn’t say much so it wasn’t a big deal. People asked about work and I asked people about whatever it was that I was aware of in their life. We ate, we hung out. Some of the people there I liked a lot, some not as much. I was proud of some, disappointed with others. People held my kid, I held other people’s kids (well, one kid). Community. It took me about 10 years to fit in like that with these people and I still have my insecurities.

I don’t want it to take 10 years to fit in at Evergreen. It’s already been a couple of years, but those were the most abnormal years of my life, so I don’t think they should count if that’s alright with everyone else. Don’t expect me to be all social butterfly, because that’s never going to happen (?) but I’ll try and say hello the next time I see you. Ask me about my kid, that will help a lot, but please, let’s not talk about crocheting.

Making my Olympic Debut

Ok, no I'm not. I used to fantasize about doing that though. I was going to be an Olympic wrestler and you could watch me on t.v. at 2:00 am since that's where the wrestlers are relegated to. Anyway, the Olympics will soon begin in Beijing. My first response to the Olympics being held in China was one of disappointment and anger. I was disappointed with those in charge of choosing who should get this honor, that they would so readily ignore the blatant human rights violations and environmental crimes of this great and oppressive nation. The anger was with China itself, for perpetrating these ills, for persecuting those who believe as I do, and for having the arrogance to think that I just won't notice these things because I am so taken aback by the beauty and history of the country (both of which, i have to say again, the current regime would like to either exploit or do away with). While my feelings of anger and disappointment still remain, I long ago changed my opinion as to whether or not the games should be held there. At this point I am glad to have it there because it has brought China's crimes to light once again (though it deserves much more coverage than it has received). I look forward to the "Free Tibet" banners being unfurled at the opening ceremonies and, with any luck, the protests in the streets. Hopefully too churches will take this opportunity to teach about what happens to the church in China, that churches are required to register and told what they can teach, that the officially sanctioned Christian church in China is not in fact Christian at all and that those who strive to follow the true faith must do so secretly and face imprisonment without trial. Silly Chinese government, the church is still growing.

Maybe I'll try a different sport. If only I were athletically inclined in some way. Or maybe we can pick the best protest of the coming days and give them a medal.

Cookies

Cookies are my downfall. Chocolate chip cookies. Hmm....