Just Writing

so here i am, trying to figure out where i am and how i got here. as a general rule writing helps me figure that sort of thing out, but it doesn't seem to be helping now. in fact, depending on how you look at it, it has taken me at least an hour to make it this far on this post, and at most multiple months. i think i shall just write, and see where i end up.

i find in myself an often inconsolable grief. too dramatic for you perhaps? well, not for me. for me it is painfully accurate. but here's the really interesting thing i am discovering as i process this: i don't so much have grief over an event or situation (though there is that) as i do over the fact that nobody seems to care, as well as the fact that i care less and less.

i hope this gets better some day. and then that's the key right there, isn't it? hope. i still have a little; precious little.