I've Gone Mental

So I’m not feeling overly creative today, so I am stealing stuff from other people and posting it here as my own (except that I just told you it wasn’t my own). I did, however, make several tweaks to the two things below. The first I tweaked so it would fit my context better, and the second one I tweaked because it was one NASTY rant, but illustrative of my point none-the-less.

How you KNOW I work in the mental health field:

You dream of a $35,000 a year salary, because that’s when you’ll know you’re 'really making it'.

You know all the latest lingo for drugs, where to get them, and how much they cost.

You start every sentence with 'So what I hear you saying is...'

You’ve had 2 or more jobs at one time just to pay the bills.

You tell people what you do and they say 'that's so noble' Except for clients, who think you just want their money (ha!).

You know a man who once held his penis in his hand, because he didn’t want it attached to anything else (and this seems perfectly reasonable to him).

You write ‘masturbation contracts’ for those that still have it attached.

You use the words 'validate,' 'appropriate' and 'intervention' daily.

You spend more than half your day documenting and doing paperwork.

You think nothing of discussing child abuse and the various used of poop over dinner.

People have said to you 'I don't know how you do what you do’ (and secretly you wonder the same thing).

You’ve never been on a business trip or had an expense account.

You’re coworkers sometimes rock back a forth and say ‘release me.’

You’re very familiar with the concept of entitlement.

Staying at a job for 2 years is 'a long time'.

Your phone number is unlisted for good reason.

Your professional newsletters always have articles about raising salaries...but you still haven't seen it.

You’re very familiar with the term 'budget cut'.

You can't imagine working at a bank or crunching numbers all day.

You’ve had clients who liked you just a little too much.

Having lunch is a luxury many days.

You’ve been cursed at or threatened...and it doesn't bother you.

Your job orientation has included self defense.

You have the best stories at any party, and some people walk away thinking you’re a liar because nobody could be that crazy or abused.

Your parents don't know half of the stuff that you've dealt with at your job.

You know how to pass any drug test.

You go to court to face off against a client with no judgment and his/her lawyer with no heart and it hurts every time, but you still do it.

Anytime someone’s kid does something weird you hear about it because they want you to fix it.

You’ve looked at another human being and truly wondered if they were, in fact, human.

*******

This I just found online by happenstance the other day. I think it was a Craigslist ‘rant.’ Again, I cleaned it up a bit (a lot). This is really borderline postable, if that’s a word, but really, people need to know:

After years of idealism, I have finally decided that I am sick and tired of helping the disenfranchised and oppressed. I have a master's degree in social work, and I've worked in a number of different settings. I've been a social worker for Children's Protective Services, a therapist on a psych ward, and I've worked as a case manager for a non-profit that shall remain nameless. I've had a number of clients over the years that I would now like to thank for helping me come to the realization that certain people are beyond help. 1) The mother and father who forced their newborn son to nurse from the family dog: Thank you!! I thought it was going to be just another typical Monday morning. You know, examining 4 year olds and finding anal warts encrusting their little rectums, watching 7 year old little Johnny masturbate the way that Daddy taught him to, and removing little Suzie from her home so Mommy wouldn't be able to put cigarettes out on her thighs anymore. Boring, run-of-the-mill stuff. Then you two beautiful people entered my life. Just in time, I might add! I was beginning to think that abusive parents were losing their sense of creativity. Silly me! What's that? Oh, I know it wasn't your fault. Of course not. No, I agree, formula IS really expensive these days. You're absolutely right, sir, it WOULD have been worse to just let the baby starve. Can I ask you just one question though? Do you think that maybe, just maybe, you could have used your WIC voucher to purchase some formula instead of selling it so you could buy a crack rock? Screw me, you say? Nope. SCREW YOU, you smarmy pile of rhino s*^%! Screw you and your crack whore "baby mama". Your child is coming with me! Merry Christmas! 2) The meth addict with Borderline Personality Disorder: Sweetie, here's a word of advice. When you are in the midst of a legal battle in which your parental rights are at stake, it is BAD for your case if you show up for your weekly supervised visits with your children spun out of your mind. Also, if you're going to have fresh track marks all over your arms, you should at least wear a long sleeve shirt so I can't see them. We talked about this before, remember? I have to write a report to the judge in a few months, and I can't in good conscience recommend that the court return your children to you when you insist on showing up to your weekly visits high as a kite, wearing nothing but a t-shirt and a toothless grin. Also, it does not help your case if you assault me after I inform you that no, you can't see your kids today due to your inebriated state and your exposed vulva. I know you grew up in poverty, and I sympathize with your plight. Hell, I was poor growing up. My family was broke. We lived in the projects and never had no cheese for our hamburgers or nuthin. Somehow, though, we still managed to find ourselves some PANTS when we went out IN PUBLIC! 3) The guy who cut his own penis off and left it sitting on the altar at the Catholic church: Dude, the psychiatrist gave you the Haldol for a reason. You should really try taking it every now and then. You're really gonna kick yourself when you come out of this particular episode and realize that your johnson has transubstantiated into the body of Christ. Look, I agree that the Catholic church did some messed up stuff back in the day, but was this really necessary? What exactly did you think you were going to prove? Oh I know, I know, the voices told you to do it. But if the voices told you to go jump off of a bridge, would you do it? Wait, forget I said that. 4) The crackhead mother with 27 cats: I called you in advance to set up our appointment. You KNEW I was going to be at your house that day and that I would be evaluating your progress in making your home habitable so that your kids could be returned to you. So why, oh why did you answer the door with a CRACK PIPE IN YOUR HAND???? Oh, it's not yours? You were just holding onto it for your neighbor? Sure, I'll buy that. Let me ask you something though. Are those your neighbor's cat turds overflowing in the kirchen sink? No, you're right, those litter boxes ARE expensive. Perhaps you should consider getting rid of a few of the cats so there will be room for your children. Just a thought. By the way, is that your neighbor's blood coagulating over there on the couch? 5) The crack addict who prostituted her 8 year old son to support her drug habit: Congratulations! You have just managed to turn me into a supporter of the death penalty! What's that? You're concerned about having your little boy placed in an abusive foster home? Oh don't worry, your son is fine, dear. He won't be going to a foster home after all. You see, we had to place him in an institution because he now likes to save his feces in plastic bags so he can use them as lubrication when he jacks off onto women's panties. He also tries to rape other children. What causes him to do such awful things, you ask? Well, I'm not sure dear, but I'll hazard a guess. I could be wrong, but perhaps his current behaviors have something to do with the fact that his MOTHER RENTED OUT HIS ASS TO HUNDREDS OF PEDOPHILES TO SUPPORT HER CRACK HABIT!!!! I'd love to beat you upside the head with a tire iron. I'd probably lose my license if I did that, though. 6) To the woman who didn't want her child to be adopted by those "faggots": It's so refreshing to meet a woman who cares so much about her child for once! You're right, honey. The Bible DOES say that homosexuals are an abomination to God. Tell me, what does the Bible say about punishing your toddler for crying by sticking him with your dirty syringe needles, thereby infecting him with HIV and hepatitis? I know the Bible says "spare the rod and spoil the child", but I don't remember anything about sparing infectious diseases and spoiling the child. Perhaps you were reading the New International Version? Incidentally, those two "faggots", as you call them, have a few important things to offer your child that you have neglected to provide. What can a couple of faggots offer YOUR child, you ask? Well, first and foremost, they have JOBS!!!! Yes, that's right, JOBS!!!!!!! These jobs provide them with a trivial little thing known as HEALTH INSURANCE, which will be used to cover the medical treatment your child has to receive for the diseases that YOU gave him. These abominations to God are also capable of providing something called a HOME THAT IS NOT INFECTED WITH LICE AND CRACK. Finally, and most importantly, they will give him something known as LOVE. Ever heard of it? Ok, I feel much better now. I think I might go back to school for an MBA or something. I'm tired of working to help these people for 60 hours a week at $35,000/year.

That's One Way to Feel Special

I heard recently about what must be some really good ice cream. You can find it at a place called Serendipity in New York city. It’s a sundae, created to celebrate their fiftieth anniversary, and it only costs $1000. Yeah, one-thousand. Now, I’m not going to go into huge detail about what goes in to the sundae because that would bore me, with the exception of mentioning two ingredients: The first is the 23k gold topping (yeah, it’s edible) and the caviar that goes on the very top. Now, I truly like both gold and snails, but I think you would have to pay me $1000 to eat either one. Besides, that makes up a significant chunk of my mortgage, so I really can’t justify spending it on a bit of ice cream. I do like how the sundae is shaped like a middle finger pointed at all the middle and lower socioeconomic folks struggling through this economy, and a special fist shaped version is available for people like to mock Third World countries (ok, I made that last bit up, but you get what I mean).

Hmmm....

What I Wish I Had Blogged About

So I’ve been on a blogging hiatus, but I am not making a real attempt to get back to it, so the two of you who read this will have that to look forward to. There have been a number of things that I would have liked to comment on here on my online podium, but I know that I will never give them each the treatment they deserve. Never-the-less, Here are the top 5 things I wish I would have blogged on (and a summary of what I would have said). In no particular order:

1. Jatropha. Heard of it? Me either! At least not until recently. But it seems to be worth hearing about. Jatropha is a neat little plant (actually, there are several varieties) who’s nuts produce an oil that can be used as fuel. Three reasons why this is a big deal: 1. It burns clean. Unlike our terrorist-provided oil it doesn’t pollute as it is used. 2. It comes from Latin America and the Caribbean. They grow it in India too, I think. The double bonus here is that these shamefully destitute places may have found a way to make some money, while our frenemies in OPEC will be losing some. 3. Unlike ethanol, cultivating jatropha won’t drive up food prices because you can’t eat it, so there is no competition.

2. Chimps Should Live in Trees. More to the point, they shouldn’t live in houses. And they shouldn’t share your bed or drink wine with you because THEY GO NUTS AND PEOPLE GET HURT. As a general rule, I’m not a fan of animals in cages (and a house constitutes a cage for a chimp. For that matter, so does almost every exhibit at the zoo, including the Portland zoo and most especially the Boise zoo). Now, to be fair, I have had “caged” pets before. My tarantula, for instance. But he (or she, I never asked) lived in a 65 gallon aquarium. I’ve had pet rats, and their cage was two stories and almost as big as my bed. The point is, if you cage any creature, or treat it as anything other than the creature it is (a chimp is not a human, for instance), bad things happen.

3. Ted Haggard is an Insurance Salesman. This honestly makes me very sad. I’ve never thought of myself as having a whole lot in common with Haggard (even less now), but as president of the NEA he was one of the family, you know? Granted, he was dishonest and immoral and absolutely should have been removed from his position as president and as pastor of New Life Church, but even then he should have been able to turn to the church for help. Instead, they literally kick him out of Colorado (they later changed their minds on that one). Look, guys, Jesus was not very image-conscious, so get over yourself and help the guy out. And Ted, don’t ever think about preaching again.

4. Christian Bale is a Jerk! You have probably heard by now about his little tirade on the set of the new Terminator movie (unrelated note: Really? Another one?). He threw a temper tantrum like a little girl and humiliated an employee on the set. Apparently he believes he really is as special as our celebrity-worshipping society has told him he is. Assistant Director and Associate Producer Bruce Franklin is defending him though, saying he was interrupted during a very emotional scene (in a Terminator movie?). Sounds like Bruce is hoping Christian will want to work with him in later movies. Not likely Bruce. The whole thing kind of reminds me of Alec Baldwin’s verbal abuse of his daughter in which he called her a pig (amongst other things) in a phone message. Celebrities really are different from us.

5. Obama Opposes Reinstituting the Fairness Doctrine. Good on you, Mr. President. You are now entitled to a tirade because you are special. The Fairness Doctrine was adopted in 1949 and held that broadcasters were obligated to provide opposing points of views on controversial issues of national importance. It was halted under the Reagan administration. What it comes down to is that at the very least it gives whiners a chance to whine and at its worst it provides a legal way to force others to support your point of view. Maybe I’ll send Obama a thank you note and few suggestions for some other ways to really wow the public is his first 100 days. Oh hell, I’ll just run for president in 2016.

One last thing….we’ve bailed out big business (i.e. gave them those bonuses they SO deserved), we’ve bailed out the car makers, we’ve bailed out those banks who can’t be bothered by people such as myself, and now we’re bailing out homeowners who shouldn’t have bought the house in the first place because you couldn’t afford it. Where’s my bail out?

A Blog of No Consequence

It's been over a month since I posted! I have nothing grand to say, it just made me sad to think that I was falling farther and farther down the blog roll lists of my friends. A preview for the future: I will blog about selling my house (it's keeping me busy!) and about how my employer, Cascadia Behavioral Healthcare, is incompetent in almost every way. I need to do part two of the Hannukkah blog and sometime I will write something theological too.

I have been busy selling a house, trying to get people medical coverage, getting yelled at by demented clients (I don't mean demented as an insult, but as a diagnosis) and trying, though not succeeding, in putting together an older kids dealy for church. Poor me.

More Wise Words That Are Not my Own

"...life is a journey in a fallen world, where things are not the way they are supposed to be. Plans do not always go as expected. That for all of our sense of self-importance and control, we really have little management over the course of life—no more than a mariner has control of the sea."

-John Johnson (Village Pastor)

Aborting Barack

“A South Carolina Roman Catholic priest has told his parishioners that they should refrain from receiving Holy Communion if they voted for Barack Obama because the Democratic president-elect supports abortion, and supporting him "constitutes material cooperation with intrinsic evil."
The Rev. Jay Scott Newman said in a letter distributed Sunday to parishioners at St. Mary's Catholic Church in Greenville that they are putting their souls at risk if they take Holy Communion before doing penance for their vote.”

Hmm….I think I have a few issues with this. But before I mention them I feel like I should, once again, clarify my fundy stance on the issue. I don’t like abortions, I’ll go on record as saying that they’re not good; when I run for president in 2016 I will run as a pro-life candidate. I have said many times that the church needs to be the church and the state needs to be the state and that the church is in the position to do the most good when it is not trying to be political, and I think that is true about the issue of abortion as well. However, abortion happens to be an issue where the use of the political process can be valuable, and I’m not limiting that to laws banning abortions but rather government programs that prevent the need for abortions and serve as alternatives for it. Further, a politicians stance on this issue is a big deal to me, a very big deal, actually. I am not pleased with Barack Obama’s position on abortion and it was the subject of much reflection before I voted for him.

And that brings me to my first issue with Rev. Jay. Why have you highlighted this particular issue above any others, Reverend? Again, I bet both RJ (Rev. Jay) and I have the same basic view of abortion. It causes trauma to the mother, often times the father, and also to the doctor and nurses who perform the abortion, and it kills another human being. But what about arrogantly sending young people overseas to kill and be killed in the name of machismo? What about taking money away from programs designed to feed children and house the homeless so that the wealthy can have their tax break? Is that not sin? Human beings like to rank sin, to make some sins worse than others; God doesn’t do that: sin is sin.

RJ goes on to say that “voting for a pro-abortion politician when a plausible pro-life alternative exits constitutes material cooperation with intrinsic evil…” I don’t think so, RJ. I think we live in a fallen world and sometimes the right choice doesn’t exist. I think we are able to make the “most right” choice, but evil permeates this world and this world is governed by politicians, and thus I am forced to try and figure out what is most right. This is, in large part, a matter of conscience and this is between me and the Holy Spirit, not me and the priest (or pastor).

Telling someone that he or she shouldn’t or can’t take communion is bold and rather risky. To do so assumes a certain level of authority that I don’t think Scripture grants. By all means, RJ, we need to proclaim truth, fight for the good and speak for those who cannot speak for themselves, but let us not presume to speak for God where he has not first spoken.

Oh, catchy blog title, huh? An attention-getter, I think.

My Festival of Lights (part one)

The last several years Jenny and I have commemorated Hanukkah, getting a little better at it each year (having not been raised to celebrate Hanukkah I am learning as I go). Often when people find this out they question why we would do this, as we are not Jewish (if they even know what Hanukkah is at all). My response is that the event which Hanukkah celebrates is a part of redemptive history and there is nothing about it that should make it exclusively a Jewish celebration; this was a miracle that God did, and I want to celebrate those. But they do have a point: we are not Jewish, which means that when we celebrate Hanukkah in the light of Christ we will celebrate it a little bit differently.

I’m still trying to figure out how this celebration plays itself out in the long run for my family and, hopefully, for other that will eventually join us. I’m still learning about the history of it and the foreshadowing that is present within the story. Over the coming weeks I hope to learn more, and to help in doing that I am going to tell the story of Hanukkah here. It’s actually a pretty long story, so I’m going to do it in parts. Here is part one:

PART I: FOREIGN RULE
Antiochus III, also known as Antiochus the Great, became the 6th ruler of the Seleucid Empire in 223 BC (ish) at the age of 18, and ruled until 187 BC. During his reign Antiochus fought many wars with an eye toward expanding his kingdom. In 198 BC Antiochus defeated Scopas and ended Ptolemaic rule in Judea.

The relationship between the Jews and the Seleucid king was overall cordial; the Jews paid taxes and accepted the Syrian authority and the king allowed them to lead relative autonomous lives, especially in regards to their faith. This friendly relationship was not to last, however, as the king’s successor and son, Antiochus IV, called "Antiochus Epiphanes" (God’s beloved) ascended to the Seleucid throne. A historian of the time, Polebius, called him “Antiochus Epimanes” (madman). At this time Roman influences and taxes began to take their toll on the Jewish people. Antiochus IV looted the temple in Jerusalem for its gold, gold whose purpose was the upkeep of the temple and charity toward God’s people. He sought to unify his region under one state religion and began persecuting and massacring the Jews. He suppresed Jewish laws and removed the High Priest, Yochanan, replacing him with a Greek sympathizer. Antiochus IV desecrated the temple by ordering the sacrifice of pigs on the alter and in 167 ordering a statue of Zeus be erected in the temple of Yahweh.

At this time the Jews were not only facing an external struggle to maintain their faith, but an internal one as well. Over a 100 years earleir Alexander the Great had conquered, well, just about everything and in so doing spread the Greek traditions and beliefs whereever he went. In the preceeding century the Jews has assimilated much Greek culture, watering down many of their distictive beliefs and practices.

PART II: THE MISCALCULATION